Charlie Brooker

Round zero intelligence

US attitudes and beliefs should make the media despair.

Fear sorts out all those word pests

To function efficiently as a writer, 95% of your brain has to teleport off into nowhere, taking its neuroses with it, writes <b>Charlie Brooker</b>.

Kids need taste of risk

German politicians are reportedly planning to ban Kinder Surprise eggs on the grounds that they're a safety hazard.

Oh won’t you just shut up!

Last week I had to take a long taxi ride home at the end of an especially prolonged and exhausting day. It was late at night and the journey was set to last an hour. As the car pulled away, I slumped in the back seat and closed my eyes, enjoying the gentle rock and hum, drifting away to snug semi-consciousness almost immediately. The soft, welcoming arms of sleep began to embrace me.

Poker-faced flirts, all

Friends occasionally come to me for advice, which is odd, because one look at my shambling semi-existence should be enough to convince them I'm in no position to offer guidance on anything. I wouldn't trust myself to tell someone which end of a cup to drink from. But still they come, writes Charlie Brooker.

Awkward anytime, anywhere

Two's company. Three's a crowd. And whoever they are, I don't trust them. Yes, in the ever expanding list of things I don't ''get'', the most crippling entry has to be people. I don't get people. What's their appeal, precisely? They waddle around with their haircuts on, cluttering the pavement like gormless, farting skittles. They're awful.

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