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/ 1 April 2005

Wee Willie Winkie gunning it through town

Until recently Mr Smith had a microscopic penis. As he browsed bookshops for biographies of Napoleon it cowered in the draperies of his underwear, an embryonic chipolata, a coy love-prawn. Mrs Smith tried to reassure him, but he was certain that the harpies at her depraved book-club gatherings talked of nothing else, crooking little fingers and revelling in his genetic betrayal.

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/ 1 April 2005

‘Judges will quit’

One of South Africa’s most senior judges, KwaZulu-Natal Judge President Vuka Tshabalala, has warned that some judges will consider returning to private practice if the government’s proposed Bills aimed at reining in errant judges becomes law.
Judge Tshabalala told the <i>Mail & Guardian</i> that colleagues told him they would quit the Bench if the draft laws were enacted in their current form.

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/ 1 April 2005

Campaign calls for UN intervention in Darfur

An alliance of United Kingdom MPs, human rights groups and survivors of the conflict in the Darfur region of Sudan on Thursday launched a campaign for bolder international intervention to stop the bloodshed. The alliance is calling for the United Nations to authorise peace-enforcement operations to be led by African Union troops.

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/ 1 April 2005

US spies ‘dead wrong’ on Iraq’s weapons

United States spy agencies were ”dead wrong” in ”almost all” of their pre-war judgements about Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction capability, a commission said on Thursday. The report reveals that US intelligence still knows ”disturbingly little” about the weapons programmes in other potentially dangerous nations.

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/ 1 April 2005

Grasslands scoops BEE deal of the year

The 2005 <i>BusinessMap</i>/<i>Business Report</i> Black Economic Empowerment (BEE) Awards were announced in Sandton on Thursday night, with the prestigious BEE deal of the year going to Grasslands Development Trust’s purchase of 100% of Grasslands Agriculture. The awards celebrate the top achievers in BEE.