Stuart Johnston

The challenge is set as you enter the city on the Avenida 25 Julho. For no apparent reason, the rattling chapa on the dual carriageway ahead swerves maniacally to the left. Peculiar, you think, just as your own vehicle submerges up to the axle into its first Mozambican crater. Welcome to Maputo. Hope you have a nice car insurance policy.

I remember the hot expression in primary school was "tazz" — as in "that’s a tazz bonie you’re <i>trapping</i>, my china!", which meant the bicycle your friend was peddling possessed an innate desirability.