‘A new development that caught my eye online recently was the dogs that are used on the runways at OR Tambo International Airport to chase away birds’
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‘Before goalie, I play golf. Before golf, I hit tennis ball against wall. Do you see a pattern?’
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Hevea brasiliensis, the rubber tree, had thrived in the Far East, where it had been transplanted and organised into rubber plantations
‘Being woke simply means you see things’
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‘It seemed, at the time, to be a very good idea to go and be myself by shopping at a particular place’
‘Running out of mayors hasn’t been pandemonium, as everyone expected,’ says the writer
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‘Over the course of the past five years, I’ve seen people of a variety of ages and vocations suck on their cylinders as if preparing to go underwater’
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There was a rather odd guy in the accounts department who was not tall and who wore strange round glasses on his face
‘As the market expands, and more people buy sex dolls, the call for male dolls has grown’
‘I might give them my personal information for free, which would spare them the trouble of wheeling and dealing with Zuck’
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‘That engodment of the individual leads to mania, in which prophecy may come forth, and the person hearing the divine message is a mantis’
‘Yes, Earth Hour may be a New Year’s Eve in reverse; the global celebration shrouded in darkness devoid of fireworks and live music’
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‘Mostly, I like composers with interesting names’
‘And, don’t worry, Malusi Gigaba, our finance minister, has a plan — or at least we hope he does’
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‘At that point the tap dried up … ‘
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‘Have mercy, I wanted to plead but, of course, couldn’t’
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‘Please continue holding till your ear falls off because of radiation poisoning’
It is often forgotten that, in her youth, ANC presidential hopeful Baleka Mbete was a struggle poet.
Finding a bitcoin buddy could send you off the deep end
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Biblical artefacts are dead in the water
‘The manuscript you sent us (bar, perhaps, mention of a R99-billion surplus) brought us, and by extension our readers, no joy’
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I kept seeing McRaney’s face, and recalled his manner, while reading The Cowboy Capitalist, but Hearst was a real person.
‘The agents looked spooked, a momentary state I took to indicate that what they’d just heard was unheard of and smelled, eerily, of treason’
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Report of the Mdluli Detachment to His Excellent Highness Number One — Only Fifty Days to Go till Conference — and edited by a British spy.
… And he confesses that the world has gone off the rails
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‘Russians do not refer to “the Russian Revolution” — they call it “October”’
‘South Africa, God loved you and left you a precious heirloom: Heritage Day, a day off from work to be spent at home or elsewhere’
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‘What is a brumaire? And why did Louis-Napoleon have 18 of them?’
A Sunday independent paper suffered a blow when its exposé of affairs of South Africa’s deputy president lost its steam
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"This is surely the first use of the word “coccyx” in a non-medical press release, and it receives our celebratory affirmation"