School days are the best days of your life, or so the saying goes. But that’s not always true. Conflict occurs in even the best schools.
Tempers flare and harsh words are said. Conflict among learners can result in blood on the floor. Sometimes even teachers and parents come to blows. So, how do you deal with conflict?
When paramedics arrive at an accident scene, the first thing they do is stabilise the victims. Paramedics know that victims need to be calmed and assured that they are in good, capable hands.
So, too, when a teacher is faced with conflict, he or she needs to stabilise the situation.
Restore calm by quietly, yet firmly, distancing the warring factions from one another. Assure all involved that each will be given the chance to state his or her case, but not necessarily at that moment. Conflict resolution is impossible when everyone is shouting and screaming at the same time.
Teachers often need to take on the role of mediator to resolve a conflict. Effective mediators display certain skills: they’re good listeners, unbiased and can calm people down. Mediators ask thoughtful questions that move the conflict towards a peaceful resolution.
There are two things that a mediator tries to avoid. First, the mediator doesn’t want a “win-lose” situation, in which one side is the winner and the other the loser. The “loser” might feel bitter and resentful, which could start the conflict again. The mediator must aim for a “win-win” result, in which both sides are satisfied with the outcome.
Second, the mediator must avoid the “rescuer’s syndrome” trap. Teachers who “know better” or think they have “more experience” can fall into this trap. A mediator’s role is to smooth the resolution process, not to provide the solutions. The warring parties need to work out the solutions themselves.
Here’s a suggested mediation process:
- Find a quiet place: Many schools are overcrowded and it’s difficult to find a place where you will not be interrupted by people or telephone calls. A quiet place will help calm nerves and make it easier for everyone to focus on the conflict issue. Provide comfortable seating and make sure all the chairs are the same height – no one must look down on anyone else. Switch off cellphones.
- Set the mediation rules: The mediator sets the ground rules of the process. Both sides will be given an opportunity to speak. There will be no interruptions while each side speaks. Shouting is a no-no and so is the use of abusive language.
- Listen to one another: Everyone listens to the person who is speaking. If necessary, the mediator might ask questions to ensure clear understanding. The mediator should give no hint of taking sides or making judgments. An attentive face without facial expressions such as horror or disgust is required.
- Define the conflicts: The mediator summarises the different viewpoints of the conflicting parties. In turn each is invited to comment on whether the mediator has accurately described the viewpoints.
- Agree on the solution: Each party is invited to suggest possible solutions. The mediator reminds parties that the aim is for a peaceful resolution of the conflict. No one should be humiliated in the process. Both or all sides need to strive for a win-win settlement. The mediator’s role is that of a facilitator — getting people speaking and listening to one another as they decide on the best solution.
- Conclude the meeting: At this point a commitment is made by both or all parties to honour the agreed solution. Time frames might be necessary (for example, within a fortnight a girl will wash and repair someone’s shirt that she tore in a fight). Sometimes the agreement can be put in writing.
- Follow-up: People involved in the conflict are informed that there will be a follow-up. This could be a meeting or telephonic discussion. Agree on a time and date. Occasionally it’s necessary to tweak or adjust what was decided on at the original meeting. A follow-up helps ensure that everyone honours the agreed solution. Chaos happens when a school doesn’t know how to deal with conflict. Be prepared for conflict. When it does happen — as it does in every school in the land — a mediation process will help restore peace and ensure that school days are some of the best of your life.
The South African Quality Institute offers a range of leadership and management courses across the country. Schools are expected to pay for the basic costs. Poor schools are sponsored. For more details, please contact either Vanessa du Toit on 012 349 5006 ([email protected]) or Richard Hayward on 011 888 3262 ([email protected])