Evita Bezuidenhout
Appearance: Marike de Klerk on speed.
Dress sense: Barbara Cartland on safari. All faux leopard-skin tights, diamonds and furs.
Obviously a woman’s woman. Who are her role models? Sophia Loren, Joan Collins, Mimi Coertse and Dame Edna
Anything that makes her special? She has the best legs.
What’s she up to now? Burying the koeksuster with Pieter-Dirk Uys, the man she once snubbed as a third- rate comedian who should be jailed for his views. They’re getting together to celebrate their shared birthdays: 50 for him, 60 for her.
About to retire is she? And the Voortrekker Monument will fall. The ex-ambassadress to ex-Bapetikosweti has staying power to rival that other comeback queen, Imelda Marcos. This successful National Party retread gets more TV time than FW de Klerk, and is one of the few the ANC still talks to.
How did she do it? While others of her era succumbed to cultural arteriosclerosis this kultuurtannie shamelessly swotted up Name Dropping in the New South Africa. She has fished with Cyril and danced with Jay. Frene is a buddy. Nelson a chommie.
Any other contribution to liberation? She helped rubbish the notion that the Afrikaner was a dour soul whose idea of a lark was to hide the gardener’s pass book, by turning bigotry into a joke.
Sounds fun. Where can we get hold of her? Increasingly she inhabits an irony-free celebrity zone where she is more famous than Marike de Klerk, PW Dingus and even Pieter-Dirk Uys.
Is that a problem? Psychiatrists are concerned that her larger-than-life presence in our national psyche is a disturbing sign that we are more comfortable with fantasy than reality.
Give us an example? The Women’s National Coalition actually wrote to her and suggested she quit being Pik (Hy Fax My Elke Aand) Botha’s pretty puppet and join the movement.
Any other admirers? Her snake-like ability to shed the past — (We have one man, one vote: PW Botha is the man and he is the vote), through New-Nat Pretoriastroika, to stalk the corridors of power and discuss democracy – – has NP politicians, whose sell-by-date is showing, dribbling over their parliamentary paychecks ever
And what is Evita planning to sing at the birthday party? Don’t Cry for Me Ageing Pieter.
And Pieter? I’m Just a Sweet Transvestite from Transsexual Transvaalzania.