Robert Kirby: Loose cannon
One of the first things they teach you at=20 the Newspaper Columnists School is how to=20 be two-faced. I remember one of our=20 lecturers – some frostbitten old geezer=20 calling himself Ken someone-or-other -=20 telling our class that, when it comes to=20 writing a regular newspaper column, there=20 is no greater sin than consistency.=20
“Doggedly churning out the same bombastic=20 opinions week after week is terribly=20 boring,” he lectured us. “It doesn’t matter=20 how true these opinions may be. What you=20 need to do is keep your readers on their=20 mental toes. Be a professional hypocrite.=20 Change your point of view as often as you=20 can. If anyone questions this, say you are=20 just being balanced.”
True to his immaculate spirit, I am now=20 going to do what the French call a volte- face. On several previous occasions I have=20 placed the considerable weight of my=20 prejudices and instincts firmly against the=20 Cape Town Olympic bid. This week I am=20 coming down firmly in favour of the bid.=20 These are my reasons.
First of all, if Cape Town does get the=20 International Olympic Committee (IOC) nod=20 of September 5, it won’t only be Chris=20 Ball’s promised land of jobs and=20 opportunities which will ensue. Before you=20 can say George Fivaz, Cape Town will start=20 its long overdue metamorphosis. From being=20 a fairly laid-back and still only averagely=20 polluted coastal city surrounded by=20 beautiful mountains and beaches, it will=20 start mutating into the hazardous metro- sewer it has always wanted to be. This is=20 because you don’t pour R4-billion all over=20 a city without attracting the very elite of=20 sociopaths at the same time. It’s like=20 pouring horse shit over shrubbery. You get=20 flies.
So, hold thumbs Cape Town. If you think=20 Pagad has a problem now, wait until=20 Jo’burg’s robber-barons arrive. Beirut and=20 the West Bank will have nothing on=20 Observatory and the Cape Flats. What’s=20 more, a favourable IOC vote and pit bull=20 and Rottweiler breeders will at last get=20 their long-awaited JSE listing.
And never mind the hoodlums, think of the=20 influx of the literally millions of=20 homeless and destitute who have been led to=20 believe that the 10 days of a tourist=20 bonanza in 2004 will put an end to their=20 adversity once and for all. Another very=20 persuasive reason for the games.
But best for last. Like apartheid itself,=20 when you look closely at the whole Olympic=20 reverie, what do you see? Who is actually=20 piloting this prohibitive daydream? Yes=20 folks, there he is, hiding under those=20 bankrolls with a guilty smile on his=20 fingers. Africa’s Best Friend: The Dear Old=20 White Man.
Several prominent black voices have already=20 been raised on just this point. The Olympic=20 bid isn’t nearly African enough, they cry.=20 And they are absolutely right. Because it=20 is pale-browed fellows who are actually=20 running the show. Chalk-faced international=20 bankers eager to lend us all that high- interest money, architects, planners,=20 consultants, experts, advisers of every=20 milky shade. A gaggle of snowy-toothed=20 editors to egg them on.
Not to say that lots of black people won’t=20 also be kept productively occupied.=20 Someone’s got to do all the hard work,=20 while looking happy and prosperous and=20 bubbling with Olympic ambition. Someone has=20 to dig all the ditches so all that=20 globalised prestige can flow in.
Well, all those happy black folk will be=20 out there sweating and toting that barge in=20 the certain knowledge that they have the=20 eager blessing of all the well-heeled lads=20 and lasses who nowadays so vigorously=20 defend their interests. When Ball’s=20 instructions and advice are so meekly, so=20 slavishly obeyed by the government=20 hierarchy it is passed off by means of some=20 resourceful nomenclature like=20 “collaborative democratic process”. Given=20 half a chance, they’ll even throw in a=20 “rainbow” or two.
Others might just say: “Uncle Tom’s=20 Cabinet”.