Recommended
l Renault Espace: Huge boot space, which can be enlarged by tipping the back seats down
l London taxi:Available second-hand in the UK, they are roomy and comfortable enough for any manoeuvres
l White van: Flagship of the lumpen proletariat, this is the nearest you can get to a motel room on wheels
Don’t bother trying in:
l Morris Minor:Cramped interior, useless suspension, and the vinyl seats adhere horribly to the naked flesh
l Renault Clio: Papa has no need to worry about what his daughter will be getting up to in this – there’s barely enough space to kiss
l Porsche 911: Phallic in appearance, maybe, but the bucket seats and low headroom mean this motor is all gong and no dinner