Not so long ago Oom Krisjan was ruminating about why the African National Congress Youth League (ANCYL) has become involved with the Miss South Africa contest. No reasonable answer has yet been heard in the confines of the Dorsbult Bar, but being so close to all those beautiful women is obviously getting to some of the league’s leaders. Lemmer presumes this was the cause for the rather Freudian slip in the tirade sent to the media about the resignation of the Democratic Alliance’s Hennie Bester.
”The ANCYL views Bester’s resignation as a scapegoat masterminded by DA boss Tony Leon and his Mafia,” the league assures us. ”Bester is just a porn, which was deliberately sacrificed; the real king, Tony Leon, is still standing.”
It goes on to demand that Leon ”apologise to the nation for undermining our international relations with Germany”.
At the same time, presumably, that the ANC and the New National Party apologise to the nation for undermining our relations with Italy and the United States for the prolonged stay in South Africa of an even bigger Mafioso, Don Vito Palazzolo?
Whole herd
It seems the story that appeared in the Mail & Guardian last week that characterised Barney Pityana as a ”big spender” hit a nerve. Not even Oom Krisjan was spared the vitriol that flooded in. But it appears St Barney was always an expensive ou.
The regulars at the Dorsbult were all ears when Tannie Annie told us that when Barney was young he used to complain like crazy because his wife, Dimza, is a princess of royal blood, and they made him pay lots of extra cows for his lobola!
The people say Dimza’s family didn’t click fast enough. If they had realised how much butter would be needed to fit Barney’s bum, they would have asked him for a whole herd at least.
Stand tall
The ANC itself, though, generally ignores anything written in the M&G. Last week, however, the party felt it had to respond in its online publication ANC Today to the ”insulting and objectionable” suggestion in an article that appeared in the M&G two weeks ago that ”disgruntled party groupings” are putting forward ANC national chairperson Mosiuoa Lekota for the deputy president’s position because he is Sotho-speaking. Ho hum!
But what had Lemmer sniggering was the comment that how dare the article suggest that the ”movement needs leaders who can stand up to their president”. The branches of the ANC, it fumed, ”do not elect leaders for that purpose”. We thought not.
Name game
A few weeks ago Oom Krisjan was trying to establish an e-mail account on the Internet. Imagine his surprise when he discovered that the address [email protected] already existed. It took several stiff drinks to get over the shock that there is an imposter roaming cyberspace (and several more to get through the arcane procedure of establishing a different address), so Lemmer has deep sympathy for SABC journalist Echbert Boezak — who is finding to his cost that sometimes it doesn’t pay to have a famous name.
Echbert is a cousin of Reverend Allan Boesak, although his van has a different spelling. This does not go down well with some in the visdorpie, for when Boezak tried to get to see the Stormers recently, he wasn’t allowed into the press box.
Later on it became evident that Malcolm Dumphries, the media liaison for Western Province, told another official that ”if he [Boezak] was related to Allan Boesak, then he is not welcome at Newlands”.
So much for sincerity and ”make it your game”.
Little Roy blue
Fiery Irish midfielder Roy Keane will be joining his Dutch club colleague Ruud van Nistelrooy watching the soccer on television after a little altercation with his manager. Keane’s outburst did not go down too well with Mick McCarthy. His sending home has been widely reported, but his actual words were a little strong for the South African media. Those offended by obscenity should skip to the next item, but otherwise Oom Krisjan will share the bulging-veined one’s thoughts with you.
”You were a crap player, you are a crap manager,” he told McCarthy, who was born in Barnsley. ”The only reason I have any dealings with you is that somehow you are manager of my country and you’re not even Irish, you English cunt. You can stick it up your bollocks.”
Anna aces Kerry
The whole world is sports mad at the moment, so perhaps it is fitting that Anna Kournikova has been voted the sexiest woman in the world by FHM magazine.
The part-time tennis player (her part always ends after the first round of a tournament) edged onse eie lingerie model Kerry McGregor into second place in a poll released this week. However, Britney Spears was third, so Oom Krisjan is not so sure how much mampoer those who participated in the poll had been drinking.
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