As a change to watching slaughter in the Middle East and getting far too serious about all that tacky irritating human suffering, the tone, this week, is light and fluffy (could this be the first column to compare itself to a decent French pastry?)
For all of those out there who see every new near-miss by an asteroid as a sign that the end of the world is coming, this site is full of signs of the impending global cataclysm that’ll sort out inequality once and for all. See if you can cope with Surviving the Apocalypse
Is your calculator really boring? Why not try an online calculator filled with assorted moans and sounds that will probably make all the other accountants in the office stare at you. Go test drive the Orgasmic Calculator. Then for something wildly relevant to our current political situation, if you have the bandwidth to spare, you could always just download a short mpeg of Kitten Attacks Toddler!
Not all poets were caricatured romantic heroes, sighing as they squeezed out verse extolling the joys of nature – some poets went a little bit further in terms of exploring the human condition. Locally, where education is a laughable training process designed to prepare robots for industry, you probably never studied him, but do yourself a favour and take a look at the life and times of Beat poet Alan Ginsberg. And sticking with the vaguely educational theme – how far can you go in describing life, the universe and everything, using just 100 words? Browse through over 8 000 examples of what people can say and create (and maybe submit your own) in just 100 Words
Then if you’re really into art, or at least the art of vile B-grade horror movies, then you’re going to have hours of happy browsing through the posters on offer at the Attack of the Fifty Foot Website!
So you’re an ex-inmate of some lunatic asylum, or your ancestors were. What do you do for nostalgia? Luckily for the neighbours pets there’s a site that caters just for you – go have a look at the strange page dedicated to ‘America’s Vanishing Asylums’ at Historic Asylums!
Oddly related to the above link in some obscure way, let’s look at Star Wars fans next. In this modern age where the populace seem starved for some kind of fantasy life and literary depth, it’s not surprising that the Star Wars franchise has hit a nerve with those with time to kill. Picture a bunch of people with too much free time camping outside a cinema – well, the queuing has begun for Attack of the Clones. Or, if you’re into slightly more classier kinds of films, go do some reading and browsing through You Know, For Kids – The Films of the Coen Brothers
Then, to get a close up view of the lifestyle of extra’s in TV shows (‘extra’s’ are those people you see doing stuff in the background behind the famous characters) read through Dan’s tell-all site. Read the sections on his work on Ally McBeal and West Wing for instance. Go read The Adventures of Dan – Extra Extraordinaire.
Here’s a heads up as regards the DVD release of Lord of the Rings – don’tbuy the first release. Why? Well, the second DVD release of LOTR will have both more violence and an extra half hour of story – the first DVD release is just basically the same flick you saw in cinema designed to take money from those not clever enough to read columns like this. Lord of the Rings DVD Info.
Those of you lucky enough to have grown up reading, instead of thinking that television is somehow educational, will recall a character called Tintin – and more specifically, a highly irritable sea-captain called Captain Haddock, who tended to let rip with his own form of expletives. Browse through the joyful lists of Captain Haddock’s Curses.
Thanks to the Internet I’m up to episode eight of the new Survivor series – unlike the rest of you who have to wait for local TV to drag it out long after its completed. (Download the episodes off Dalnet MIRC on channel #survivor-central – if you want to watch the series as it’s showing now in the US) otherwise, for the official Survivor 4 site.
I-think-I’m-turning-Japanese-time. It’s become incredibly popular overseas, so let me be the first to point you towards the weird joys of ‘songs created by companies to motivate their workforces’. Net users worldwide have discovered the cheesy joys of downloading and singing along to amazingly bad corporate songs or ‘anthems’ like IBM’s ‘Ever Onward’ or Ericsson’s ‘Network Intelligence’. What it is, is Japanese management philosophy meets Chinese Communist inspirational titles meets children’s television song styles. Go browse through the current hit parade of songs. (Currently at Number 1 is KPMG’s ‘Our Vision of Global Strategy’) Try them all for Dilbert-like fun. Go to Corporate IT Anthems.
Until the next time, if seriousness doesn’t get me.
Ian Fraser is a playwright, author, comedian, conspiracy nut, old-time radio collector and self-confessed data-junkie. Winner of numerous Vita and Amstel Awards, he’s been an Internet addict and games-fanatic since around 1995, when the Internet began to make much more sense than theatre.