Visdorpie police officers were out on a public awareness campaign in town last week, handing pamphlets to motorists at intersections. The pamphlet, entitled Avoid Becoming the Criminal’s Next Victim, was compiled by Cape Town Central Communication Services and distributed by ”a dedicated (plain clothes) police officer”. Some of the bits of the article stood out …
”In the interest of a crime-free society, Cape Town Central Police would like to issue hints to prevent street crime. We are aware of the fact that criminals loiter at traffic intersections, and prey on unsuspected motorists by snatching items of value through open windows. They often even brake the window to steal your belongings. In return, we police these areas with the ful force of the law, but can only succeed if the community apply safety precautions themselves.
”Never engage in calls in your vehicle whilst at a traffic intersection. It is not only illegal to use your phone whilst operating your vehicle, but you could have it snatch by a criminal.
”Always be alert of strangers begging at intersections and avoid giving them money. Rather make a donation to an organisation who cater for the needs of homeless people, if you so desire.
”Your vehicle is probably your second larges investment. An average of 10 vehicles are broken into daily in the streets of Cape Town, and for this reason we have prioritised this tendency.”
The police certainly deserve a pat on the shoulder for policing intersections with the ful force of the law — but perhaps in future they should also prioritise the tendency to brake an average of 10 grammatical laws per pamphlet.
Taking AIM
Lemmer has some sympathy for these new one-person-and-his/her-dog parties as the Dorsbult Doppers Party did not do quite as well as we’d hoped in 1989. But he’s a little alarmed about the backers of Teresa Millin’s African Independent Movement. Last week, immediately after Bushbaby’s boys took over Baghdad, the former Inkatha Freedom Party MP waltzed into Parliament wearing a pristine navy suit, red leather handbag and silk stars and stripes scarf. Is Millin a fifth columnist for the Axis of Weasel, and is Jozi next in line after Iraq?
But Millin revealed her true colours when she made her maiden speech during the parliamentary debate on the truth commission.
Lo and behold, she decided to take the side of her former political home when it came to reservations about the Truth and Reconciliation Commission process and proceeded to preach proverbs and the life of Christ from the pulpit — oops, podium.
Better aim
Amid the chaos that goes for regular business in the piesangland legislature, the New National Party’s Brian Edwards had a pressing matter to raise. This was the state of the floor in the men’s toilets in the legislature, noting that members are not issued with gumboots. He requested the members to heed the old adage: ”We aim to please, So you aim too, please!”
Flight of fancy
Should one really fly with an airline that has no sense of geography? On a trip last month, some of Lemmer’s neefies were given South African Airways activity books on a flight from Frankfurt to Johannesburg. The centrespread in one book (which features a lion on the cover) has a ”stick and learn” game, with the ”correct” answers printed on the page to guide the children.
The printed answers place the Caribbean below the tip of India and reverse the positions of the Atlantic and Pacific oceans. Japan is in mainland China, and Switzerland in Siberia. The alternative booklet (with the elephant cover) has the Atlantic and Pacific oceans in their rightful places, but now places the Caribbean just west of Central America. It also covers two-thirds of the African continent with bird stickers saying ”South Africa”. (Neo-colonialism?) Oom Krisjan wondered where the plane might actually land.
Cashing in
Standard Bank has decided to cash in on the Iraqi invasion to show its new methods of dealing with criminals, if this juxtaposition of items on Businessday Online this week is to be believed.
Wrong questions
Lemmer hears from this newspaper’s environmental desk that a worldwide survey was conducted by the United Nations last month. The only question asked was: ”Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?”
The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn’t know what ”food” meant. In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what ”honest” meant. In Western Europe they didn’t know what ”shortage” meant. In China they didn’t know what ”opinion” meant. In the Middle East they didn’t know what ”solution” meant. In South America they didn’t
know what ”please” meant. And in the United States they didn’t know what ”the rest of the world” meant.
Washed up
Seems like Bill Gates and MS-Word are really longing for the old days. A suggested spellcheck alternative for the Minister of Home Affairs Mangosuthu Buthelezi’s surname is ”Bathless”. Now there have been lot rumours about the Prince formerly known as Gatsha, but never that he’s part of the great unwashed.
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