Looking over previous week’s columns, I bored myself with the prevailing anger and general railing against Authority, which seemed to be becoming routine. So just to make it fun again, I thought a nice juicy column devoted to available online porn, yummy fetishes and cool sexual perversions, would be just the thing to raise your spirits. (Of course, this is only available to premium subscribers).
Actually, I’m kidding. I’m sorry. I’d love to take you on a ribald and gleefully smutty adults-only tour of just what’s out there, but believe it or not, there are some weirdos who might object. (I think they believe something sick like parts of the human body were made by accident and therefore shouldn’t be shown). Takes all kinds.
Now apparently there was some sort of sport this week — rugby of some kind. But as to the details, I’m utterly disinterested. (Sport, like watching rugby, is one of those dumb human occupations which could more accurately be described as a misplaced homoerotic testosterone-fuelled merchandising opportunity disguised as fake-patriotism.) Hmm, no wonder aliens don’t think we’re ready to join the Intergalactic Federation. However, a real annual sport is about to happen. Go stare at The 2003 Rock Paper Scissors Competition.
And then another major sporting event that’s about to unfold, and which would give Salvador Dali a bad case of Whisker Envy, is the hair-raising event known as the World Beard and Moustache Championships.
Flash and Web Effects Section. The following all managed to play just fine on my cruddy 56k modem, so you shouldn’t have any problems. To prove the theory that some people have way too much time on their hands, have a look at a Flash remake of the classic arcade game Asteroids that you can play online with new added classy ‘burping’ sound effects (oh, and the rocks may resemble something familiar, but I can’t quite put my finger on it). Try your hand at Space Cocks. Or alternatively, take a look at a remake of the classic Lunar Lander game, cunningly and originally retitled Asteroid Lander.
Then if you have time to kill, go relive some of the great gaming moments from a wide range of arcade games, set to Van Halen’s ‘Jump’. Go watch the amazing MAME Jump.
If you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to make a balancing pyramid of teddy bears, knock them down at will and then watch them quickly reassemble — now’s your chance. Utterly silly and lots of fun, go play with The Teddy Bears Pyramid.
Equally silly, take a look at a short Flash photo story about an old couple quietly getting rid of their irritating pet at Poor Little Kitty.
Back to more or less er normal sites. Worried about aliens? Well, to show that reality is far stranger than you might imagine. Go watch (or download) the free short film starring Eddie Izzard, created by Greenpeace, on How To Ward Off Aliens.
Then, just to demonstrate that the Internet is full of incredibly valuable and useful sites, grab your pussy and sit down to learn all you need to know about Shaving Your Cats Nose.
Here’s an Internet site that I think you South African readers can contribute to in a big way. Picture a website dedicated to dagga smokers’ photographs. Doesn’t sound that much fun, however, it actually is. Go stare at the wide range of blissfully slitty-eyed, munchies-driven fiends and then send them your favorite hidden pix at The Gallery Of Stoned People. And staying with the gallery concept, some truly insane news items are there for the browsing (and see if anyone you know features) at The Bonehead of the Day Award.
If you like the idea of modifying your PC, then you’ll wet yourself when you see what happens when a vintage typewriter gets ‘modded’ and computerized in place of the standard ‘filling up with cigarette ash’ ubiquitous basic keyboard at The Typewriter Keyboard Conversion.
It’s appeared before, but in case you haven’t had the singular joy of trying to work out if its real or fake, try the classic web page apparently created by a mental patient (and don’t forget to look at the world famous ‘toothcrafted coffee mugs’) at For Sale By Mental Patient.
You know that lousy voice asking you to keep on holding when you’re trying to get through to Company X? Well, browse through a site out of the UK which specializes in creating those menu voices. You can also mix music in with sample voices and get an idea of what we’re missing — at Please Hold.
Sorry to present a meaningful site this week, but try this next one which collects writings from around the world. It’s rather useful to get some deeper insights into cultures that you otherwise might not absorb. Take a slow read through Words Without Borders.
And then, I ran across a truly thought-provoking and fascinating analysis online of what is occurring and unfolding here in South Africa. If you only read one thing this week, then this should be it. It’s a surprisingly non-partisan overview of the reality we face (I say ‘surprising’ because it’s in a site which is somewhat rightist in its views). But to see the reality we’re in, and will almost certainly be facing in the coming years, work through the three sections of South Africa: Beyond Democracy – Part One.
South Africa: Beyond Democracy Part Two and South Africa: Beyond Democracy Part Three.
Minor geek stuff in the news. For those of you who might run into a new kind of copyright protection on audio CDs, guess what — all you have to do is hold down the ‘shift’ key when you insert the CD in your PC. Duh! As the BBC reported, this little bit of simple information got a student sued. Read the news report at Student Sued For CD Piracy Information.
And for those of you who just can’t get enough Iraq info, download this special report (a pdf file) on the various companies making fortunes from Bush’s oil grab. Rebuilding Iraq.
Something else in the Too Much Spare Time genre — look at the pix and read the careful step-by-step description of How We Made A Clay Lionel Ritchie Head.
What happens when politicians listen? Folks at this next site wrote to hundreds of British politicians and asked them if they’d ever roller-skated or skateboarded, and many wrote back, even provided pictures. Meanwhile locally, nothing happened. Go stare at how things work in a real society at
Statesman Or Skatesman.
Finally, if you want to irritate and scare office workers, take a look at this deliberately blurry page designed to make you think that maybe that doctor was right when he said that too much of it would make your eyes funny. Go stare and experiment at Blurry Sites.
Until the next time, if sports fans don’t get me.