/ 22 January 2004

What’s on the web today

Zimbabwe’s destruction and descent towards genocide, starvation and madness continues, helped almost singlehandedly by the South African government, which clearly has little or no morals anymore. Read the AP report “Zimbabwe cruelty extends to domestic animals”. And read Cathy Buckle’s latest weekly letter from Zimbabwe, called “Little begging girl”. (Use http://www.rense.com/general47/siim.htm if Buckle’s site is down or being

flooded).

You probably saw it on TV as a novelty insert — the painstaking aluminum-foil attack on someone’s home, where every single item got nicely wrapped in foil, over a period of 5 days, turning someone’s living space into a cross between our president’s heart and Andy Warhol’s factory. Take some time out and browse through the images on the homepage of the mad dental student who did it. Go to Luke’s Aluminum Foil Attack Image Gallery.

I’ve been using a dietician for going on two months now, living happily on 4000 kilojoules a day and eating way more than I ever did before. And don’t worry, I smoke like a chimney, so it’s not entirely the fascist obsessive-compulsive health thing. Anyway, I was browsing online looking for signs of other folks who’re also doing the ‘transformation’ thing and stumbled across this site which might be of interest to anyone in the midst of getting their act together. Take a look at the before and after pix at Johnstone Fitness.

And staying with keeping your fingers on the pulse of things, take a look at this BBC news report about a little device for women, the article titled Orgasms at the touch of a button.

Then, for something perhaps unrelated to eating, is this extremely informative site featuring a vast quantity of photographs and ratings of airline food (including the local overpriced and fairly crap SAA’s business-class and economy meals). For all of you who’ve wondered just what the food’s like on dem big metal birds what fly overhead all the time, take something for the indigestion and then browse through Airline Meal Photographs.

While recovering from the previous report, I ran across this amazing site which sells lamps in the shape of old style women’s undergarments. I can’t quite work out if it’s really cool and’ll work well as a genuine light fitting, or not. The prices are insane, but take a look at Tramp Lamps.

For anyone who’s spent enough time online, you’re bound to run across stuff that doesn’t get much coverage. One becomes fairly blasé about a whole bunch of things that various lurid magazines ‘discover’ and use regularly to bleat self-righteous indignation and thus sell more copies. The reality is that it’s mostly no big deal. The world’s large enough to accommodate all tastes, and part of being an adult is to get off on what works for you, and leave what doesn’t well alone. Stare at it briefly, be puzzled but walk away, and don’t try and control what someone else likes because of your own immaturity or fears. As an example, have a look at a hopefully non-pornographic glimpse of a standard ‘alt’ lifestyle, cross-dressing: The PoufBunny Pinup Parlour. Or if you want a wider spread of types and links in the transgender field, try Tiffany’s Links.

As you may have discovered from the previous link, Lenny Bruce was right when he said that racism isn’t about race, it’s about ‘prettiness’, or more accurately, what YOU find ‘pretty’ or ‘ugly’. The same is true for sex. And to see the clash of pretty versus ugly fighting within whatever prejudices you might have, take a look at a French music group called Shemale.

Now here’s something to make you go ‘awwwwww’ in a positive way. Try this site, which is the homepage for a bat hospital in Australia. Go and go ‘awwwww’ at Bat Hospital Pix.

Now for something uplifting that I don’t see the local schlocky magazines doing, stuck as they are in early Seventies overtly self conscious mode, take a look through the interesting bit of progressive erotica known as Joe Is My Interactive Bra.

Gear change. I watch the well-fed preachers doing their thing on TV and in-between laughing hysterically at them, it occurs to me that there are still people around who think religion has a place in modern society. Meantime of course, it’s obviously just a combo of misinterpreted UFO sightings and contacts as well as a fairly vicious and outdated social control mechanism that operates on fear, ignorance and abuse. And hey — if you’re a Christian and this summing up offends you, then ‘forgive me’. Having prodded you awake, now take a look at a drink that’s both Holy and good for your waistline. Yup, i’ts Diet Holy Spring Water.

Then for more extreme methods of losing weight the hard way, here’s a 4 meg vid clip of a US Apache helicopter attacking some Iraqi farmers — Apache Helicopter Attack.

And looping back to religion, some of you will know of the peculiar joys and fun of doing MIRC — Internet Relay Chat — and sitting on a channel chatting or just watching the conversation flow by. (Download the free program here.) Point being, some deranged silly person decided that the Bible needed an IRC makeover, a rewrite from the point of view of God having been on an IRC channel and quietly writing instructions as things happened. It’s still early stages in the whole project, but it’s proving popular and funny enough, assuming you know how IRC tends to work. Take a look here: The IRC Bible Project.

There’s something odd and perhaps significant about the attraction of Big Monster Trucks, and the same probably goes for this next item which is a Big Monster Motorbike, known as Big Toe.

Ever accidentally watched the hyperactive short-attention-span gunk that passes for children’s TV? (Assuming of course you can find the programming, in-between the deluges of adverts for colourful carcinogenic sugar-loaded products being pitched at the watchers.) You may have noticed all manner of odd, stupid and allegedly hip phrases and catchphrases being used by the manic, wide-eyed arm-waving w*nkers — sorry — presenters which the children TV shows use. Luckily for you there’s an online dictionary of teen slang, so you can work out what’s being said without looking stupid. It makes for really interesting reading, so go discover wazzzzup at The Teen Lingo Dictionary.

Of course, if you want something which is deliberately designed to lead you astray in terms of getting what’s being said by teens, then try The Surrealists Teen Slang Dictionary.

Gear change, this site wasn’t up at time of writing, but hopefully it should be up soon, so be warned it may be down and don’t be sending outraged emails at me. For you data fiends and historical junkies out there, finally there’s a huge archive of reconnaissance photographs from World War 2 up online. From overflights of concentration camps through to the D-Day landings, they’re available for grabbing at The World War 2 Ariel Reconnaissance Photo Archive.

Alternatively, if the deliberate slaughter of humans by corrupt politicians and industrialists hell-bent on selling munitions isn’t your thing, then retreat into the equally ugly and frightening (but non-threatening) world of The Ugly Wedding Dress of the Day.

Most people don’t realize that frogs are light-sensitive, and thus are a useful early warning system, much like canaries were used in mines in the past to pick up first traces of gas. As the ozone layer (remember that?) thins, and the glare continues increasing, we’ll be seeing more and more little warning signs of damage. So with that in mind, and no I don’t like frogs much anyway, but for the heck of it, check out Photos Of Deformed Frogs.

Finally, for you office-bound slaves out there, take a read through the ongoing diary and adventures of one woman who decided that life was to be enjoyed. Try Where’s Cherie.

Until the next time, if presenters from children’s TV don’t get me.

Ian Fraser is a playwright, author, comedian, conspiracy nut, old-time radio collector and self-confessed data-junkie. Winner of numerous Vita and Amstel Awards, he’s been an internet addict and games-fanatic since around 1995, when the internet began to make much more sense than theatre