Here it is. The big Premiership prediction. From the man who told you Holland would win Euro 2004: Chelsea will win the championship this year.
If the Blues don’t force their way past unbeaten champions Arsenal and fading Manchester United this winter, I’ll cartwheel my way naked around any popular meeting place your care to mention … Pall Mall? Sandton City? Times Square? Take you choice. It’s cast in stone (it’s okay, I’ve got my fingers crossed, mum).
If you’d seen former Porto boss Jose Mourinho give his first press conference at a Heathrow hotel this week, you’d understand that even this Arsenal fan can’t see beyond Roman Abramovich’s millions this time.
Mourinho, who started life at Sporting Lisbon as a failed midfielder who was Bobby Robson’s interpreter, has come a long way in 10 years. After guiding Porto to an improbable Champions League success and two Portuguese titles, the guy looked seriously impressive in front of the curious and not over-friendly English football writers.
And he had the temerity to say that Wayne Rooney, the new Beckham, wasn’t worth a bid. In fact he went as far as to say: ‘Rooney is a wonderful attacking player but he is not a pure striker.â€
Clang! That one went down like a lead balloon with the so-called experts — but ask any Everton fan how Super Roon played last season and they’d agree. Sure, four goals against moderate opposition in Portugal at the European Championship was great fun. But Rooney limped home with a broken metatarsal and now looks likely to stay at Everton at least until the January transfer window.
Mourinho will not be dragged into the hype, despite the open chequebook on offer from Russian billionaire Abramovich. Real Madrid striker Fernando Morientes may be coming soon, but this guy won’t be swayed by agents.
He’s tough too. When hairy Argentinian striker Hernan Crespo failed to turn up for pre-season training, presumably because of the Copa America at home, he was immediately ejected from the first-team squad.
And Mourinho went through the entire set-up for us, pointing out who he needed and who he didn’t, while insisting he only needed a squad of 24 for the season. Blimey, even my championship-winning Chesham Sunday League side, the Three Pigeons, needed 30 to survive the arduous 24-match campaign last winter.
The bottom line is, Mourinho feels he needs a goalkeeper, a central defender, a midfielder and, possibly, another striker.
That means Scotland goalkeeper Neil Sullivan, once so impressive at Wimbledon and Spurs, is no longer wanted. Nor is Dutch non-playing full-back Winston Bogarde and his moody striking compatriot Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink, who may go to Celtic.
Crespo is out, along with both super Marios, Melchiot and Stanic. Dropped from the first-team squad that trained on Chelsea’s sub-standard Imperial College facility next to the bleak M4 motorway this week are Robert Huth, Carlton Cole (on loan at Charlton last season), Boudewijn Zenden (on loan at Boro), Jesper Gronkjaer, Marco Ambrosio and Jurgen Macho.
That lot are in limbo and Mourinho makes no apologies for this multimillion-pound clear-out which comes on top of the signings of Czech goalkeeper Peter Cech, Portuguese defender Paulo Ferreira, Dutch midfielder Arjen Robben and Serbian striker Mateja Kezman.
Mourinho (41) says: ‘For me, the player’s desire is absolutely crucial. For example, this morning I spoke to [Romanian striker] Adrian Mutu about his desire. He wants to stay. He didn’t have a good season but he feels he can give it a go this season.
‘Crespo is not here. I haven’t seen him. I sent letters to all the players asking them to be here for breakfast at 8.15 today. I have had no contact from Crespo.â€
This new-look Chelsea will play their first match, a friendly against Oxford United, on July 17. I suspect they will slaughter their lowly opponents as the Mourinho effect spreads through the squad.
He says: ‘We cannot win everything, but if we win one thing that is great. I promised Chelsea three things: communication, quality and ambition. I have nothing more to give them.â€