Never in the history of the Premiership have three sides been promoted from division one (now renamed the Coca-Cola Championship) with such a lack of fizz.
Norwich, West Bromwich Albion, Crystal Palace. Poor lambs. All that work last season and, according to the bookies, they’re just relegation fodder.
Let’s start with The Canaries. Hardly an intimidating nickname is it? Norwich City, runaway winners of division one last season, have just one famous figure. That’s their majority shareholder Delia Smith, famous for her televised cookery programmes and recipe books.
At 62, Delia is hot stuff in the kitchen, but rarely scores vital goals in the Premiership. Mind you, the bookies might prefer to see Delia in her apron to their current bunch in boots.
It’s not as if Norwich have done nothing to improve their fortunes. Just look at this gathering of new stars, aquired by bright young boss Nigel Worthington in the close season since their promotion.
There’s erm … David Bentley, the young guy who scored once for Arsenal when they were fielding a whole load of reserves. They’ve only got him on loan but he’s got a fancy haircut and may turn out to be good.
Mind you, if he does well, Arsenal will simply demand him back. Then there’s um … Bolton’s Simon Charlton for £250 000, former Dundee United goalkeeper Paul Gallacher for free and Coventry’s Youssef Safri for a massive £500 000.
Okay, Chelsea spent £23,2-million on Didier Drogba this week, but Sky Blue reject Safri, he’ll do for Norwich.
Oh, they’ve also got former Coventry and Newcastle striker Darren Huckerby and Mattias Svensson, who scored the only goal in their 1-0 friendly win over Malaysia last week.
And that’s the problem isn’t it? Nobody can compete with the big three or four in the Premiership. Too many clubs have become content to eke out an existence in the twilight zone between the top two divisions.
Mind you, I hear Norwich are after Inter Milan’s Danish defender Thomas Helveg. And even at 33, he ain’t bad.
West Bromwich Albion, division one runners-up, have been up and down more recently than the Canaries, who didn’t have a bad side in the top flight 10 years ago.
The Baggies (another intimidating nickname) came up and disappeared without trace a year ago and few expect them to do better this time.
They’ve tried to get hold of Arsenal’s Nigerian striker Nwankwo Kanu, but he hasn’t really shone since a wonderful hat-trick against Chelsea four or five years ago. He’s got big feet, moves like one of those tree-men out of Lord of the Rings, but shows occasional magic.
West Brom also made a move for Eirik Bakke, one of the millions of players on offer at Leeds. They have managed to get Poland goalkeeper Tomasz Kuszczak on a three-year deal from Hertha Berlin and they’ve got Darren Purse from Birmingham for £750 000.
Martin Albrechtsen (£2,7-million from FC Copenhagen) could be worth watching and Riccardo Scimeca (Leicester, £75 000) wasn’t bad at Villa a few years ago.
Then we come to poor old Palace. The glamour club of the 1970s have been up to the top flight a couple of times but without marked success.
They go up after a dramatic play-off win over West Ham only for owner Simon Jordan to announce he wants out. Yes, just as the big money is apparently coming their way, Jordan says he faces another £10-million loss this season, even in the promised land of the Premiership.
Which doesn’t augur well for Iain Dowie, the coach who took them from relegation candidates to promotion in six short months. He’s trying to get Hungarian striker Sandor Torghelle and still has the impressive Andy Johnson, the sharp-shooter who helped them up last season.
But let’s be serious. Jordan has gone public with his unhappiness, he’s even been reported to have considered selling the club to Libyan president Moammar Gadaffi.
Dundee goalkeeper Julian Speroni and Fulham reserve Mark Hudson, two further Palace signings, don’t inspire confidence.
It’s going to be a long, cold winter for the three new boys. But then, I reckon Everton, cash-strapped and with board-room resignations this week over the probable sale of Wayne Rooney, could easily go down too.
So there may be room for a few survivors in the Premiership lifeboat. My three for relegation? Everton, West Brom and Crystal Palace.
Last season I went for Leicester, Leeds and Fulham. Two out of three ain’t that bad!