There’s nothing like patting yourself on the back (something Lemmer has given up doing as it puts his spine out of place) when no one else is willing to hand you the kudos.
The African National Congress Premier of the Western Cape, Ebrahim Rasool, placed prominent advertisements in a variety of newspapers in his province to mark the first 100 days of his ANC/New National Party government elected in April.
It lists 27 promises (or projects) either fulfilled or not. It calls them ”Deposits/Deliveries”. Only in one case is a ”deposit” unfulfilled. Next to the project listed as ”export Karoo lamb”, it has a cross instead of a tick. Next to that is listed simply ”Avian flu”.
Birds having flown
Still on the topic of how the ANC communicates, Lemmer was amused to receive an e-mail from the party in the North West on recent switches of allegiance in the province. The attached document was named ”floop crossing.doc” — somewhere between crossing the floor and flying the coop?
Jive talkin’
What do you call the process when the national broadcaster gives a government minister, Geraldine Fraser-Moleketi, leeway on TV news to justify her stance (and bashes) on trade unions — and then promises to give union leaders a small, pre-recorded chance to respond some time later in the bulletin (as happened on SABC3 news last Tuesday)?
Is it (a) Zanufication; (b) Snukification; or (c) both of the above?
While on the topic of the SABC, was Lemmer alone in feeling insulted as he waited in vain last Sunday evening for a live programme (Asikhulume) to interrogate the politicians of the Eastern Cape provincial government to begin? After about 20 minutes’ delay, the continuity announcer said we should jive until the programme started. Needless to say, the programme never saw the light of day.
Maybe some heads need to roll so that the real dancing can begin.
Long drop
While watching the news on SABC3 last Wednesday, the manne were surprised by an item on progress in agriculture in Limpopo. That province, it appears, has become a hotbed of silk production. What confused Oom Krisjan, however, was the statement (among others extolling the virtues of silkworms) that ”even the droppings, if fried in oil, are very tasty”.
Now Lemmer’s experience with silkworms extends only to mulberry leaves and shoeboxes when he was a boy, but he doubts any creature’s droppings are very tasty. Oom turned to the experts.
Apparently the pupae, once inside the cocoon, must be killed off or they damage the silk when they emerge as moths. These pupae are the things that can be very tasty, rather like mopanie worms. Lemmer will take the experts’ word for it.
Selfless in style
Lemmer was moved to read an outraged letter published in the Sunday Times. It came from Lulamile Mapholoba, political assistant to parliamentary Speaker Baleka Mbete.
The letter slammed the media for daring to suggest that Mbete had hired expensive cars using travel vouchers.
”The articles have completely missed the point,” warbled Mapholoba, ”in a manner that calls into question the integrity of those who sit in editorial boardrooms deciding the fate of men and women who have left everything and chosen to selflessly serve our people without fear or favour.”
For the record, our selfless speaker earns more than R600 000 a year. Among the usual benefits and privileges, she is entitled to hire a particular class of car and to be accompanied on overseas trips, at Parliament’s expense, by a companion of her choice.
Boldly going
For those who believe the stereotype that Germans have no sense of humour, Oom Krisjan would like to share the latest innovation on the Deutsche Welle website: news reports in Klingon. The state-run world radio network said the language of the big-browed, ill-mannered alien characters from the Star Trek TV series will be added to the existing 30 languages it already uses on its homepage.
Dark knight
Lemmer was amused by the antics of Jason Hatch, who dressed up as Batman and stood on a ledge of Buckingham Palace last week to highlight the plight of fathers with restricted access to their children. But Oom was even more amused to read a report a few days later that quoted his current girlfriend complaining that Hatch had no time to spend with his youngest child because of his commitment to Fathers4Justice.
Missionary position
Employment in the visdorpie is not geared towards the high-pressure big earners, it seems. Readers of the Cape Times Career Finder are treated each week to a front-page article on various careers. In recent weeks, the careers featured have been social worker, ballet dancer, rabbi, puppeteer and missionary.
State of emergency
With no rains yet this season and the Dorsbult cat’s fur so full of static that she’s ready to receive radio signals, Oom Krisjan is surprised we haven’t yet been treated to the usual ”agriculture in crisis” stories. But the first harbingers of doom were heard in Stellenbosch recently.
The wide disparity between the ”haves” and ”have-nots” in South Africa was accentuated at the LandCare conference hosted by the Department of Agriculture and Land Affairs at Elsenburg.
Professor Willie Esterhuyse pointed out that there were three categories of farmers: commercial, subsistence and now ”lifestyle” farmers. Not to be outdone, a grassroots delegate unwittingly introduced a fourth category — instead of ”emergent farmers” he kept referring to ”emergency farmers”.