Keeping tags on the press
With capital punishment thankfully consigned to the scrap heap of our history, the Mesdames Defarges of our era have to make do with a metaphorical drawing and quartering of the upper classes. Which is why seats (bring your own knitting) at the Shaik trial are in such hot demand.
Apparently, on the first two days of the trial, media accreditaton was merely a card handed out to members of the fourth estate. But, by day three, the cards had been replaced by blue plastic bracelets (reminiscent of the ID tags attached to hospital patients) that cannot be removed without cutting them off — and then they’re useless.
No official reason was given for the change, but an anecdote recounted by Jeremy Gordin of The Star might go some way to explaining things. Apparently the former Playboy editor was struggling to secure a press pass for the trial, so he turned to the star of the show — Schabir Shaik, not the deputy prez — for assistance.
Shaik promised to ”sort that out” — then promptly took the accreditation off Business Day editor-at-large Tim Cohen and tried to pass it on to Gordin. Unnerved, Cohen remarked: ”Eh, Schabir … Maybe your way of ‘sorting things out’ is precisely … ” He was interrupted before he could add: ”… what got you into trouble in the first place.”
Now Oom Krisjan has long been an admirer of Cohen’s quick wit, but that comment earns him lifetime membership of the Dorsbult.
Seeds of doubt II
A couple of weeks ago Lemmer ran an item about BMW’s flagship corporate social investment programme Seed (Schools Environmental Education Development), the results of which the car- maker described as ”far-fetching”.
It seems this isn’t the only bird-dropping on the corporate windscreen, however. A Cape-based NGO has notified Oom Krisjan that it, too, is called Seed (an acronym of the same words) and, in fact, contacted BMW for funding about three years ago. Nothing came of it until the Bavarian motormen decided to launch their own in-house project of the same name.
Lemmer is happy to report that the original Seed is still thriving — and he suggests BMW stop trying to reinvent the wheel and give their support to existing organisations.
Infinite wisdom
Oom Krisjan would like to share a story that all teachers — sorry, educators — can relate to.
An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behaviour, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom or beauty. Without hesitation, the dean selects infinite wisdom.
”Done!” says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.
All heads now turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. One of his colleagues whispers, ”Say something.” The dean sighs and says: ”I should have taken the money.”
Don’t judge a book
Local author Achmat Dangor complained in the Sunday Times this week that South Africans do not buy books, let alone read them.
In the same edition the paper featured an interview with popular singer Yvonne Chaka Chaka. She was asked the title of the last book she had read and this was her response: ”It’s a red book and it talks about how shrewd you should be if you want to do business. I don’t remember the title.” Hands up anyone who believes she actually read the book!
Spot the difference
Driving through Hillbrow recently, Lemmer was taken a few years down memory lane by the presence of clothing store Roma Italia. The store was made famous in the mid-1990s through an endorsement deal from a television star who used to model its fine Italian styles. That presenter was Tim Modise, the man who now tells us at every available opportunity to wear South African fashion. Who said a leopard can’t change its spots?
Taking aim
The men’s toilet at the Dorsbult is never a thing of beauty, so Oom Krisjan is including this item as a gentle hint to management. Martin Wainwright, writing in The Guardian, tells of a pub chain in England that is experimenting with using realistic- looking transfers of spiders, stuck to the urinals, in the hope of improving male customers’ aim.
According to the chain’s MD, Tony Callaghan, who got the idea from Amsterdam’s Schipol airport (where they use transfers of flies on the porcelain): ”The Dutch showed us that there’s a far higher standard of accuracy and far lower level of splashage if a gentleman has something to aim at.”
Trials will test the strength of a range of transfers and glue on 105 spiders, and the pubs may experiment with small plastic models if the initial batch fails to stick.
Knot on
When it comes to marriage, Oom Krisjan believes, some people never learn. It appears some learn very slowly. At item appeared in The Guardian this week about a Malaysian man, Kamarudin Mohammed, who has tied the knot for the 52nd time — and his latest wife is the same woman he married nearly 50 years ago. It seems it had taken him 50 other wives (some of the marriages lasted only days) to understand that his first choice was the best.