People have this idea that there is such a thing as normal and that everyone more or less is normal. However the closer you look, the more you see that this is merely a pipe dream put out by the authorities who’d rather we didn’t realise that we’re all weirdos, mad, insane, anarchists — and very happy with it.
Indeed, the only thing common to most human beings is potty training, some basic hygiene and perhaps a few road safety tips. That’s it. (Oh, as well as this generally widespread and accepted superstitious fetish about some all-knowing Really Big Ghost that made everything, including us — and this is considered normal as well.)
The truth is I doubt any of us are normal. We never were, and we never will be, either as a species or individually. Happy? Yes. Normal? Nope. So here are some sites dedicated to proving this theory.
To start with — and to show that while we may have technology, nothing much changes in us — take a look at some of the things that people were writing on toilet walls, back in 18th century London. Check out the Bog House Miscellany.
Perhaps you like renting hookers and having a friend sit nearby in a bathtub with a gun, watching you. Or perhaps you’re a female and wonder if it’s normal that your boyfriend calls out other guys’ names during sex. Is this normal? Go read these and other questions submitted by people online at Is It Normal?.
Then you have people who like animals. Not just any animals, but specifically pregnant animals. In fact they like them so much they’ve made a site filled with photographs of them. Go look at Pregnant Animal
Photographs.
Or how about someone with an interest in collecting other people’s discarded shopping lists and carefully reading through them, scanning them in, putting them online with comments and thoughts. Browse through Other People’s Shopping Lists.
Then you have those isolated moments, showing glimpses of human abnormality and problem-solving in action. Take for instance the man who was joking with his friends new truck keys — and accidentally swallowed them. How to sort out the problem? Take the X-rays to a key maker and create a new key from the hospital X-rays. See Local Locksmith Corrects Key Mistake.
The method of transport by most humans is the motor car. And despite the near religious worship that modern consumerism tries to inspire in owners of cars, for their individual hunk of soft metal on an axle with wheels, this doesn’t always work. Have a look at cars that have been modified, by having coloured keyboard keys stuck onto them. See The Homer Simpson Car. And more.
How about the case of the quite contented transvestite who keeps a site of photographs filled with pictures of him/her wearing — what else — female masks. (If chest hair plus cleavage combined with a weird Clockwork Orange-like happy atmosphere disturbs you, keep clear). Otherwise, have a look at Jessica Trance’s Mask Site.
Patriotism and nationalism are considered normal as well. (As if where you happened to be born has any genuine significance at all — except of course to the State, who might want to send you off to war at some point, and require of you a belief system that can make you obey and kill or die for it.) Have a look at this ‘normal” site of Korean Children’s Drawings Showing How Much They Hate Japan.
And to counterpoint this primitive attitude with advanced technology, have a look at this 360km/hr bullet train which uses ‘cat ears” as an air braking system. See Cat Ear Bullet Train.
Or stepping sideways, look at the gleeful use that an iPod mini can be put to by emptying out its contents and turning it into the iToilet Toilet Paper Dispenser.
On the other hand, another slightly happier iPod user, the Queen of England, seems to have a problem with coping with remote controls. Read ‘Too Many Arrows On Remote Control’ Says Queen.
To show how willing we are to explore our own quirks, regardless of how odd others may think it is, picture the happy mindset that conceives of an alarm clock that also creates a supposedly comforting odour to wake you up in the morning. Like the Cooking Bacon Alarm Clock.
The often very wealthy humans (relative to those living in squalor in downtown Bangladesh, for instance) who play computer games have their own fan-based rituals to celebrate their favourite computer characters. Among other things, they dress up as the characters they like. This is called ‘cosplay” (costume-play). This is normal. Have a look at a couple of happy humans at Private Photoshoot of Liddo and Sarah’s Katamri Fantasy Night.
And more normality in the computer game field. Try this martial arts computer game that requires a five metre cushioned ‘playfield”. See Kick Ass Kung Fu.
Then to see normality in street culture, look over the pix of this great looking and very colourful Japanese subculture that’s a mix of kinderslut, goth-lolita and, of course, Cindy Lauper, called Decorer.
Got werewolves? Need silver bullets? (Or just regular ones for some evil happy purpose?) Someone felt it was necessary to make some silver bullets and show exactly how it’s done. Why? Why not. Read Making the Original Anti Werewolf Bullets.
The growing boredom of humans expresses itself in a variety of ways. For instance, the beating up of random people and filming it for pleasure. Anthony Burgess clearly saw the future, all those years ago. It’s called Happy Slapping. And then dive into the deep end, at Happy Slapping Collection.
Those desperately cheerful members of the Cult of Scientology-Dianetics (that you see hassling people in malls, as they try and sell their books) have a pseudo-scientific gadget they use called an E-Meter. They think it’s quite normal, but go read what Gismodo uncovers, at Religious Gadget Thursday: The E-Meter. (In case you get cornered by cultists trying to suggest that — because an arbitrary actor happens to think they’re not insane — it’s good enough for you as a belief system, I’d recommend looking over The Inner Secrets of Scientology.
Speaking of normality, have a look at the before and after satellite pictures from Zimbabwe, of the recent destruction ordered by the ‘normal” dictator Mugabe and his storm troopers. Read No Oil = No Fight For Freedom or Democracy.
Would you buy a blank keyboard for your computer? Maybe you would if it was sold as a ‘geek” thing and given a nice geeky German spin. Look at Das Keyboard.
And for more normal, there’s the classic story of the professional baseball player who famously played a game while tripping on LSD. Go read about the fabulous life of Dock Ellis. Or for more sports normality, try the case of a pro-footballer who found Jesus and released his own book of suitably macho designs in Needlepoint For Men.
Speaking of Jesus, there’re branches of this belief system that incorporate the handling of poisonous snakes as part of the whole churchy ritual (you’ve probably heard of ‘rattlesnake churches” — same thing). So here are some drawings of Religious Serpent Handlers of Southern Appalachia.
Or, given the growing lack of space to provide enough food for everyone on the planet (although there actually is enough food to feed everyone, but that’ll require a lengthy explanation and discussion of consumerism, globalisation and modern capitalism), have a look at what’s probably going to be normal in the next few decades: High Rise Farming. And here’s the essay on this concept of Vertical Farming.
Then for the human who’s had enough of modern urban life, look at this metal box — commercially available — where you lock yourself in, and have some quiet time: The Portable Temporary Dwelling.
How about drug dealers hiding drugs inside drugs? Seeing as the cost for transporting heroin was higher than for cocaine, drug lords decided to hide heroin packages inside cocaine packages to fool the middlemen transporters. Read US DEA Report.
Or read the unfolding and increasingly bitter, obscene and funny posts when someone decided to advertise he was looking for a female companion to join him on a World Cycling Tour.
So much for ‘normal”.
Until the next time, if the normal people don’t get me —
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