/ 1 August 2005

Merc’s clever new coupé

My first impression of the Mercedes-Benz CLS 500 coupé gave me insight into why Janis Joplin sang:

“Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes-Benz?

“My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends.

“Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,

“So Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes-Benz?”

Now, while I enjoy Joplin’s music from time to time, it has to be said that she had substance abuse issues and like most Sixties rock legends, she died of a drug overdose. So I’m uncertain as to how astute her motoring knowledge was and I’m not sure what Mercedes-Benz cars were like in the Sixties, but one can only assume that they were as impressive then as they are now.

The CLS is quite simply a perfect combination of elegance, comfort and performance. It’s the sort of car you can comfortably cruise around in when you don’t want to put much effort into driving and it’s the kind of car that transforms with the flick of a switch — almost like a superhero — into an aggressive beast with a V8 normally aspirated engine with 225kW and 460Nm propelling it to a claimed nought to 100kph sprint of 6,1 seconds and an electronically governed top speed of 250kph. And, like most superheroes who probably have voracious appetites, the CLS 500 is a fuel guzzler of note, averaging about 16 litres per 100km. Then again, if you can afford the price tag of R685 000, you’re unlikely to care about running costs.

And, of course, the CLS comes equipped with the very highest specification level, which includes the clever idea of keyless entry and go.

After taking delivery of the CLS 500, I drove it to work, parked it underground, pressed the lock button on the key, watched the side mirrors fold in as the indicators flashed and I was happy that it was safe, until I tried to open one of the doors which promptly popped open! I panicked. I wasn’t going to leave this hellishly expensive car unlocked, even if it was insured, but I was already late for work and had to get to my desk. In the space of an hour, I had snuck out to check on the car at least three times.

Eventually I asked a few of the other sub-editors to come downstairs with me to ensure that I wasn’t losing my marbles. Between us Mensa members, we surmised that there must be something wrong with the remote locking system and I eventually swallowed my pride and phoned Mercedes-Benz to tell them that they’re lovely CLS 500 had a defective locking system. I was transferred to a senior technician who asked idiotic questions about whether the doors were actually closed and I was on the verge of losing my patience, when he politely asked if I was familiar with keyless entry and go technology.

“Of course I am,” I growled.

“Well then you should be aware of the fact that if the key is within a three-metre radius of the car, it will automatically unlock, thereby allowing you to get in and start the car without the key being in the ignition slot.”

“Huh?” I made a noise which sounded as if I was being strangled. He (the helpful, yet nameless technician) laughed benignly. I had never felt more stupid. He then told me a story about a CEO who had also phoned him in a flat panic when his new CLS 500 wouldn’t lock and I felt slightly better. Strangely enough I am fully aware of this technology, however, it’s always easier to panic as opposed to systematically sifting through your thoughts to find an answer to a problem.

Other equally clever features on the CLS 500 include a new Airmatic DC suspension system, which goes a long way in ironing out the kinks in the road as it allows you to adjust the height of the chassis for sporty or comfort driving.

Both the CLS 350 (with a 200kW V6 3-litre engine) and the CLS 500 feature a 7-G tronic seven-speed automatic transmission, which is pleasantly responsive.

Standard safety features include six airbags, anti-lock brakes (ABS), electronic stability programme (ESP), anti-skid regulation (ASR) and an electro-hydraulic sensotronic brake control (SBC) system, which allows for more responsive braking in emergency situations. And the adaptive cruise control senses when you are getting too close to a car and it automatically decreases the speed, until you change lanes, when the speed will automatically pick up again.

Interior gadgets include four climate zones, satellite navigation, a multi-function steering wheel, electronically adjustable seats, voice command (for certain features), a centre console between the two rear seats and much more. Bi-xenon headlamps and the cornering light function are optional extras.

The CLS is supposed to be a coupé which is traditionally a two-door car, however the CLS has four doors with ample space for two rear passengers and a huge boot. Kudos to the designers who managed to cleverly utilise the capacity of the CLS so that it maintains its sleek appearance while offering generous amounts of space.

While some people aren’t happy with the CLS’s bold appearance, I find that the sloping roof, the L-shaped headlights and the overall smooth lines and curves make for an absolutely stunning package and add to the overall magnificence of the car.