What’s it really like to be a stay-at-home dad? If you believe Steve Cochrane, (”Saint Dad”, August 5) fathers who become the prime caregiver have halos the size of pizza plates.
I have been a ”house husband” (yes, I loathe the term too!) for nearly 14 years, so, welcome to the secret life of a house dad.
For one thing, few people will find your new career interesting, let alone saintly. In fact, when asked what I do for a living my answer of ”prime care giver” is usually greeted by stunned silence. I’m not just referring to men either. The mother of my son’s school friend once introduced me as someone who ”sends his wife out to work while he just stays at home with the kids”.
For any man considering taking on the role of ”house daddy”, I urge you to hang on to some kind of paid pastime. Get a position shelf stacking at the supermarket if you have to, at least then you can introduce yourself as being ”in retail”.
Before I became Mr Mum, I was an art teacher. Replacing a room full of screaming kids with just one seemed to me a good deal. This, I thought, would be my opportunity to redirect my creative energy into my own paintings. For a while it worked until my son learnt how to walk. Once he became mobile, no tube of paint was safe. The culprit was easy to find — just follow the trail of cadmium red on the carpet.
It soon became clear that whipping up an art show was going to take longer than expected and it still didn’t solve my answer to the ”And what do you do for a crust?” question. After all, what could sound more pretentious than announcing that you’re ”an artist”? Especially as the follow-up inquiry is always ”And which gallery is showing your work at present?” Much safer, then, to have a backup proper job to add context in these situations. My one is ”art teacher” as I have been careful to retain the weekend class of senior folk.
Okay, perhaps aim to continue working from home in a secured room equipped as a ”home office”. Fine. Just as long as you are not in a hurry to actually finish anything. You see, one thing that no one tells you about adopting the traditional woman’s role in the house is that you are still expected to fulfil the male one as well!
You may have swapped other stuff but you are still left with the renovations! How many housewives do you know who spend the day caring for children, cooking, cleaning, ironing and rendering an exterior wall?
But having the role of chief carer and handyman has its advantages. When you invite the neighbours over for a braai you’re able to chat with authority to both parents on anything from croup to concreting. You will be surprised how many blokes will admit to envying you.
So let’s get real. Being a stay-at-home dad is still regarded by most people as equivalent to being either unemployed or, worse, living off your wife’s income. To feel better, make sure you invite some sociologists to your dinner parties as they will tell you and anyone in earshot that the presence of a father figure is a huge advantage in your children’s well-being.
I enjoy being a dad and I am very lucky that I can be around my children most of the day. My kids are growing to be fine, individual characters. When they have children of their own, I hope they will have the opportunities that I have had with mine. And, for goodness sake — give their dad a hand with the concreting!