Some local rich guy most of us had never heard of before was killed this week — but in far more interesting news, go stare at the joyful behind-the-scenes classic pic, which I’ll subtly call Chewbacca Gropes Princess Leia. For discussion of whether the pic is genuine or not, go here.
If like me, you’ve also thought about taking some superglue and gluing toilet-paper rolls to local statues’ hands to liven them up, here’s a lovely alternative. Picture statues that not only spell out quotes by peeing on the ground, but you can also send SMSs to them in order to make pee what you want written. Now that’s a socially useful statue: Czech Peeing Statues. For some video of these statues in action, have a look here.
In case you don’t think I have a social conscience, here is something to help all the starving poor people: Cooking Pancakes Using a Lightbulb.
And here is the news. In a wonderful political moment, which I firmly believe everyone in the African National Congress should emulate, go look at the pictures of what happened when a Politician Showers in Cow Shit.
A serious need for pimple cream and a diet are looming for the thieves who stole 36 000 Pounds of Sweets.
For positive proof that either we humans are intrinsically evil or that animals are stupid as hell — or both, did you hear about the penguins that breed, nest and mate on minefields? Read March of the (Soon-to-Be-Dead) Penguins. For more “we is human, we control the horizontal and the vertical” news, try Remote-Controlled Rats Could Save Lives.
As the ice caps are melting, there’s only one possible thing left to do with all that ice before it melts and interferes with ocean currents and causes the end of Western civilisation. Drink it! Read Bar Made from Arctic Ice Opens in London.
If you’re going to go crazy, you may as well do it in style. Read the story of a crazed man, dressed as a doctor, who stole an ambulance and found a dead deer to stash in the back. Police had to shoot out the ambulance’s tyres to get him to stop. Read Deranged Doctor Drives Dead Deer.
So, you’re a would-be carjacker, and you and three friends spot what looks like a sweet target. Unfortunately, though, you don’t know that the people in the car just happen to be FBI agents on a stakeout. Tee hee hee. Read Man Killed in Carjacking Attempt of FBI Agents.
In a lovely example of “can’t see the wood for the trees” in action, Boeing and Bell Helicopter had a major brain-fart recently, showing an advert with soldiers being dropped on to a mosque roof. The slogan? Read ‘Comes from the Heavens but Ironically Unleashes Hell’.
What’s the most stupid thing a lonely escaped prisoner could do? Correct — sign up with an online dating agency, complete with a picture. Read Fugitive Goes on Date with Policeman. And in another great moment of forensic detective work in action, consider the case of the Warm Teddy Bear That Helped Nab Robbery Suspect.
Celebrity stupidity: Victoria Beckham, famous for something or other, decides to take a picture of the press taking pictures of her. Naturally, what passes for her brain wasn’t there at the time. Look at Victoria Beckham Takes a Picture.
Michael Crichton, author of Jurassic Park, was right. This week saw the recovery of blood and DNA from a 20-million-year-old spider, preserved in amber. Spider theme park coming? Read Amber-Entombed Spider.
Here’s a statistic you can’t use. Countries ranked by the numbers of deaths from Falling Off Cliffs. And here’s a challenge for local journalists to make a complete tit of themselves: read Columnists Bare All for Breast Cancer.
In this week’s “how to make every man in the area wince” section, read about the man who Microwaved His Genitals.
Here’s an idea whose time has come. And this ought to freak the hell out of the local traffic department. Tired of waiting at red traffic lights? Build your own gizmo to change them to green! Read Infrared Traffic Light Changer. Then, for more stuff to do while driving, the concept of “porno drive-by” is spreading, along with the availability of car DVD players. Read the Smoking Gun‘s description and arrest sheet info at Duo Busted for Car Porn Screening. For more mug-shot mayhem, look at The Teletubbies Cocaine Bust.
More criminality in action: Need to open a padlock in a hurry? Got access to a beer can? Learn how to Open a Padlock with a Beer Can. Of course there’s the weirdness of the Robber Arrested While Trying to Return the Money.
Truth is always stranger than fiction. For instance, how about Robotic Feet for Baby Cots, or iPod My Baby, or collections of animal pictures taken via satellite, at Google Earth Zoo.
To prove that anything is possible in reality, consider the probability of a drunk-driving Frank Sinatra impersonator getting pulled over by a police officer called … Dean Martin.
“I’m turning Japanese” time. I can’t work out whether to be hungry or nauseous at this LA Weekly article on Japanese Pizza.
More Japanese vending-machine goodness, from used panties to fresh vegetables and beyond. And here’s even more (note the coin-operated fridge, where you can store your groceries if you’re too poor to have your own fridge).
Time to wield power over nature. Cape Town readers, take note of this wonderful way to irritate, frustrate and irk squirrels, in the sport known as Squirrel Fishing. And a quick thing to make you go “awww” (it says it’s a wombat, but I’m pretty sure it’s actually a possum), go to Possum Picking Flowers.
Smell those flowers? Not for much longer, you won’t. New breeding techniques for creating ever-more prettier flowers has gradually removed the fragrance of said flowers.
Just when this column was starting to make sense … what’s better than pictures of “things”? Correct, Pictures of People Pointing at Things That Aren’t There. For great posters to scare and freak out friends and family, how about posters of people that Morph into Ghouls?
The one single vaguely serious link this week: do some reading and thinking at the comparison between the rise of Hitler’s Germany and the United States’s current situation, at The Nazification of America.
Free stuff. If you’re a sci-fi fan, go listen to or grab the many classic sci-fi radio stories being broadcast via Spaceship Radio. Its archive of past shows is here. (And for more sci-fi, horror and fantasy audio, there’s a Shoutcast stream of 24/7 goodies playing here).
Wallpaper for your PC! Try Collection of Giant Hands in Advertising and browse through the goodies at Penny Dreadful Art Work. Then, for general picture madness, try Real People Photoshopped to Look like Anime Characters.
Until the next time, if random madness doesn’t get me.