Lemmer is pleased to report that the manne are no longer tittering prudishly over the South African Revenue Service Web address as reported last week (www.sarsefiling.gov.za). However, in the interests of avoiding more scandalised uproar, Oom Krisjan has opted to remain tjoepstil about some other shockers, listed in the Independent’s ”Indipedia”; gems such as Pen Island (www.penisland.com), the Experts Exchange consultants hub (www.expertsexchange.com), and of course www.budget.co.ck, which is either a car-hire firm in the Cook Islands, or something extremely cheap and nasty …
Hubba hubba
And speaking of the Receiver and things cheap and nasty, Lemmer can’t help thinking that its new radio advertisement -urging the masses to cough up their pound of flesh was produced by a budget copywriter. A woman’s voice announces proudly that, ”Last year, I, like, built 80 000 low-cost houses!” All very laudable, but if she built 80 000 low-cost houses, it means she paid about R4-billion in tax, which means she earned about R10-billion. All of which leaves three crucial questions: Who is she, is she single, and is she partial to strapping stoep philosophers from the Marico?
Old school
A news report on SAfm about scumbags spraying gas into a classroom had the manne remembering their own school daze. According to a Tuesday afternoon bulletin, ”a number of learners, believed to be about 30”, were taken to a local hospital for medical -attention. Ja nee, said Vrot Snoek, that’s bad: at least when he was in matric the oldest oke was 26, not 30.
Eats shoots and leaves debris
When News24 posted a headline after Tuesday’s vibrancy in the Visdorp that read ”Rampage in CT gallery”, Lemmer was fascinated. Had striking security guards made some conceptual art of their own, perhaps with tyre irons being applied naively to Ming vases, or had they simply deconstructed a Pierneef with a bottle neck? One eager click later Oom Krisjan found himself looking at a gallery of the rampage. Slap jol, ouens.
Jacob’s ladder
The acquittal of Jacob Zuma was expected to trigger ecstasy among his acolytes, but the sheer volume of material on the Friends of Jacob Zuma website is staggering. ”There is jubilation in heaven in RSA & in my little kingdom of Bolobedu South,” writes a supporter. And on and on they go. At about 400 000 words, the messages of support for Msholozi make up a body of prophecy, toadying, violence and hyperbole not very much shorter than the Old Testament … The prodigal son, indeed.