No divisions here …
According to the oft-repeated Gospel of Ngonyama, there are no divisions in the ANC. So how does the Prophet Smuts explain this week’s unity-related pantomimes?
Show of unity #1
After Hurricane Hilary pointed out that he Hadn’t Said It, the ANC Youth League screamed that it was too little too late from a man who had ”served Rhodesia … and apartheid with distinction”. But quicker than you can say ”spineless”, the new version by the big ANC is out: it stands by the Prez, and supports his decision to fire Zuma. Evidence of a generally confused relationship?
Show of unity #2
Proto-feminist and a Dad of the Year Mbulelo ”Chief Twit” Goniwe wasn’t hung out to dry before Parliament because, according to an ANC caucus, no charges had been laid, and besides, no one wants to badmouth someone who is, by his own admission, no mere man. But that isn’t stopping them buying him a one-way ticket (via accredited travel agencies only) out of the parliamentary village. Only problem is, to which destination? Madame Spanky’s in Hillbrow already has a Chief Whip, and the Eastern Cape has reportedly said, ”Not in our backyard.”ÂÂ
Time is money
According to media reports this week, the National Lottery Distribution Fund has yet to call for applications this year, and is passing the time by sitting on R2,1-billion. Fair enough, say the manne, these things take time. But according to the Oom’s arithmetic, if he put it in his bank account at 6% interest, he’d be making R345 000 in interest every day.
Separated at birth
The Russian oil industry is reportedly a dangerous and cut-throat one but Lemmer had to do a double-take this week to make sure that its ranks hadn’t been infiltrated by mass murderers. A second look, though, confirmed that billionaire oil baron Viktor Vekselberg and bug-cooker Wouter Basson are, in fact, two different people.