Prez Bez speaks to the Mail & Guardian‘s Fikile-Ntsikelelo Moya about present and future presidents, umshinis, beetroots and, of course, koeksisters and which faction she would support if she could.
If you were to support a faction, which one would it be?
Cyril Ramaphosa, although he has denied any ambition to be president, and I appreciate that. Like when he denied he could cook and then dazzled me with his culinary talents.
He has great potential for what the country needs. If he decides to be a compromise candidate I will be happy to retire into his kitchen and make bobotie and koeksisters for the new president.
If the candidacy does not get the support I am sure it deserves, would you consider aligning yourself with one of the factions?
Factions frighten me because you’re expected to fight. I want to be open and transparent about what I can contribute to the future of my country. Even if it is just to put a smile back on the drawn and frightened faces of the people.
The choice of the new leaders is an essential opinion-forming reality for all of us. We must not look away.
Are you an ANC candidate or an independent (I mean the old definition, before Patricia De Lille quit the PAC)?
I belong to no party. We have been having too many parties of late and done too little work.
As an independent I will invite the best of each party to assist me. There are wonderful talents in the ANC, especially those who have not become too rich too soon. There are some old broeders now in the DA who can help with some old South Africa-style common sense. Even the PAC — I don’t know where they are, but I left a note under a stone in Limpopo.
It appears BEE millionaires have been trying to rubbish each other out of the race. Are you not concerned that they may also hang your dirty linen in public?
I have no dirty linen. As a mother and gogo I wash my linen as soon as it looks untidy. I wish all politicians would do the same. They all think they can get away with anything because we don’t notice. Make no mistake, when you stand in the sun, you throw a big shadow.
In fact, shouldn’t you just be the virtuous one and declare the dirt your opponents might use against you upfront?
I will not fight dirty. My life in politics, even on the sidelines as the wife of an apartheid minister, was always polluted by dirty tricks and lies and treachery. Nothing has changed. Greed is still greed in all 11 languages.
Some people may say that being white, female, middle-aged-ish and a former ambassador to a bantustan puts you at a disadvantage in a predominantly black and macho country. Doesn’t that worry you?
I am not any of those things. PoliticÂians and, it seems, legends are always created by propaganda, spin, lies and rumours. Yes, I am white because I am not black. Yes, I am the most famous woman in South Africa. And yes, I was a member of the old South African diplomatic corps. But in a democracy I have the right to stand up and lead by example. A black macho reputation for our country is like a new Broerderbond. A Butibond? Nee wat, sies!
Residents of the Johannesburg suburb with a name similar to yours, Bezuidenhout Valley, call their town ‘Bez Valleyâ€; will it be okay if we call you Prez Bez?
I think it is very funny. Why not? Since I saw Thabo Mbeki and Kofi Annan together I now want to call him Thabo Cappuccino Mbeki!
The only other known presidential hopeful already has a battle song. How do you intend to compete in that regard?
Umshini Wami! I will not go into battle asking for my machine gun. I will ask for a packet of sweets for the children, cool drinks for the aged and good advice for the rest.
The first decree would be to give Jacob Zuma a job: Ambassador to Somalia. He’ll find enough umshini there. Then I will ban toy guns from the shelves of our shops. If we give our children toys like that they will soon be playing with real ones.
How sure can we be that you don’t have outstanding loans that might need to be paid back once you become president?
The only outstanding loan I have is the R50 I owe Winnie Mandela. We took a bet that she would become a potential candidate. Sadly, it seems I lost the bet! But I will be happy to include her in my kitchen Cabinet.
Do you think that HIV causes Aids and do you know anyone who has died of the disease?
I am now convinced that HIV causes Aids because yes, I know someone who is sick. But he is not going to die because he can afford the ARVs. I now realise that we have a new apartheid in South Africa: those with money will live and those without money will die. No one should be dying any more, but still we lose 1 000 people every day. That will come back to haunt comrade Thabo and his minister of health and beetroots. I will create a special Minister of Lifestyle who will focus on this pandemic with honesty and compassion. Now I see the politburo are going into a similar denial about crime. It is time for a change. Ek is hier!
Don’t you think the men at the African Union heads of state summit might, for some reason, think you are a bit different?
I hope so. I don’t want to be a clone of our minister of foreign affairs who looks like a small country when she wafts around in her kaftans. I believe she still travels from Pretoria to Addis via Paris.
And how do you intend to charm them into seeing you as one of the ‘boysâ€?
It has never been a problem charming anyone, as you so sweetly put it. Margaret Thatcher and Golda Meir managed to hide their talents in warfare. I intend to expose mine in peace. Yes, if Trevor Manuel can act like a black man and think like a white, I can act like a woman and think like a man.
What will change under your presidency?
I’ll stay at home.
Why should anyone vote for you?
No one should do anything. Democracy is based on choice. People can choose. It is a secret ballot. The people must lead and the government can follow. Vukuzenzele!