With immense difficulty, Shellique Carby addressed a group of parents at a recent autism meeting. Many were inspired by the way she embraces her life and individuality.
Misunderstood by her family and rejected by her peers, Carby, a 22-year-old journalism student, endured an abusive childhood and was continually reprimanded by her educators. It wasn’t until a few years ago that her apparent rebellion and disruptive behaviour was diagnosed as Asperger’s Disorder, a mild form of autism.
As a child Carby was often caught climbing over walls into neighbouring properties, engaging in pranks and fights and disrupting lessons at school.
She rarely sat still and struggled to concentrate.
‘I needed a lot of explanation to understand concepts and instructions, so I would constantly ask ‘why’,” she told the Teacher.
Another challenge was slow processing of information, which meant longer periods to complete work and additional input towards maintaining her already ‘average grades”.
She found it difficult to interact with her peers at school, spending most of her time alone. ‘I never knew how to make friends or how to maintain a relationship,” she explained.
Often, she bore the brunt of jokes because of her credulity. Asperger’s instils a gullible and naïve disposition.
‘I was very stubborn and resisted people who tried to force me to do something. If I didn’t get something I wanted, I would go into a temper tantrum.
‘My parents didn’t know how to deal with me so they became insistent in their efforts to discipline me. I hated them and they hated me — They were always criticising and threatening me because of my be- haviour. I never knew from one minute to the next what they would be like towards me. I lived in fear of them and tried to avoid their anger while also standing up for myself,” she said.
An inability to understand their daughter’s behaviour resulted in a rather confused Carby being sent to a bridging home for teenagers who were drug addicts, alcoholics and prostitutes.
‘I have never done any of those things,” she noted.
Stimgatised as ‘a retard”, ‘undisciplined, rude and insensitive” and ‘spoilt brat”, Carby endured varying degrees of punishment and was ultimately drawn into a cycle of physical and emotional abuse until her subsequent diagnosis by a psychologist three years ago.
The diagnosis was both a shock and a relief.
‘Initially, I was very angry and wanted revenge on everyone who had teased or judged me,” she says.
It was, however, a defining moment, not only for her, but also for her parents and teachers.
‘Before my diagnosis, teachers didn’t understand me. They shouted at me for not hearing correctly and not doing the right thing —
‘I was relieved because I realised that I couldn’t control most of my behaviour and that there was a biological cause behind it. I never imagined that something was wrong with my brain, so this changed my outlook. I came to accept myself instead of going around in circles all the time,” she said.
She also suffers from attention deficit disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder and oppositional defiance disorder, and is reliant on antidepressants to stabilise her mood.
‘The main problem is social impairment. We are different because we are very literal, as we think in black and white. We hardly ever cry because we don’t have the ability to do it,” she explained.
She follows certain patterns almost obsessively, such as specific mealtimes and a daily exercise regime. A low immune system and allergies see her frequently ill and thus falling behind in her studies.
‘I hate group work and I struggle to concentrate in lectures or when I am reading. I still struggle to make friends, and I get very angry if I’m in my residence and people are making a noise,” she said.
Despite these challenges and other major adjustments, campus life has facilitated both her emotional and intellectual development, allowing her the freedom to be herself and a measure of privacy. ‘There are societies where I can freely talk about my interests and make friends with [people with] the same interests,” she said.
While Carby will always carry scars from her troubled youth, she nevertheless asserts a refreshing attitude and confidence that sparkles as she embarks on her journey into adulthood.
‘I made a decision to stand up for myself against criticism, not to care about what anyone thought of me, and to be myself — including behaving the way that came naturally to me.
‘This is a journey of discovering your talents and the limits of your abilities. I learnt how to embrace myself,” she conceded.
Carby is keen to hear from people who may have similar disorders and may be reached at 082 507 0983, or via email at: [email protected]