Personal-finance guru Suze Orman argues that many women have a dysfunctional relationship with money. In her latest book, Women & Money, she raises the social taboo behind which society hides — with jokes about spendthrift wives — and looks at exactly why women avoid dealing with finances.
The first five chapters deal with the psychology of women and money before getting down to her trademark financial plan. Why, if Orman was aware that women needed a different approach to money, did she wait until her seventh book to deal with the issues?
“The world was not ready 12 years ago. It would have been categorised as a women’s liberation book,” says Orman, who is now established in the world of finance and can deal with the issue with credibility.
Orman says before a woman can start taking control of her finances she first needs to deal with the psychological reasons for not doing so already.
The starting point is that many women do not value themselves financially. For example, she says in the past 10 years she has taken thousands of calls from women who have signed surety for a boyfriend, husband or family friend only to be left holding the can. “Never once in all these years have I had a single call from a man. Men just don’t do things like that.”
Orman says a woman tends to give to other people financially before giving to herself. “The starting point is why she has not taken action. She has to be ready for the moment of truth where she is willing to give to herself as she gives of herself. So when her friend asks for her to sign surety she has the courage to say no.”
But Orman is not about to lay the blame at the feet of men. She says women are responsible for their own situation. She was recently interviewed in the United States about proposed legislation to enforce equal pay for women. Her response was that women are responsible for the inequality because they are afraid of valuing themselves and demanding higher salaries.
She argues that when it comes to finance it is not because of lack of education, as men are no more educated about finance than women, but that both women and men want to believe men are good with money.
But she believes many men are money fakers. “She is saying to him ‘you take care of me’, and he has to pretend he can because he loves her.” Orman says the issue arises because it is a woman’s nature to nurture and to put others ahead of herself, which, combined with centuries of socialisation during which women were prevented from earning an income and had to ask their husbands for money, has created this role of being inferior when it comes to money.
Yet when women are forced to take control, usually as a result of a crisis, they manage their financial affairs extremely well, often better than their spouses.
Orman has a serious issue around women and their identities. She dedicates a chapter to “say your name”. She questions the social expectation that women give up their names when marrying. “A woman takes on her husband’s name and suddenly her identity shifts halfway through her life.” Even if a woman chooses to keep her name, her children tend to take on the husband’s name.
“When you travel you now have different names and in the US you have to prove that these are your children. Women constantly have to validate themselves. Why must a woman give up her name and take up her husband’s identity?”
So Orman spends 59 pages telling women why it is okay to put themselves first. She compares it with the request you get when flying to put the oxygen mask on yourself first.
“Many women will give their children money first. But what happens when you die? If you really love them put a financial oxygen mask on yourself first. You need to be able to breathe enough to take care of everyone else.”
If you are psychologically ready for it, the book, which has been re-written for South Africa, offers a five-month plan to get your finances on the right track.
Orman also provides an online financial plan on her website, SuzeOrman.com, which South Africans can access by using the password “yebo”.