Even though his beard is twinkling with residual glitter, Jonny Woo, the queen of London’s alternative drag scene, looks remarkably wholesome sipping afternoon tea in east London.
The creator of the legendary club night Gay Bingo and gloriously camp stage show Night of a Thousand Jay Astons is performing the first run of a new show inspired by a near-death experience.
After two decades of partying, his body began to shut down.” If your extended social circle drinks a lot and takes drugs, it’s always at the back of your mind that one day someone is going to slip up,” says Woo (35).
”My friends were surprised it was me, but I wasn’t. I was always the person who’d go out an extra night, shovelling everything I could down my neck.”
It happened in October 2006. ”I was working nearly every night from 9pm until the early hours of the morning, which was normal, but a television crew was coming to film Gay Bingo on the Sunday and I wanted to make sure I had a clear head for that.”
So, with the skewed logic of a true hedonist, Woo decided that he would lay off the drugs that week but allow himself to drink as much alcohol as he saw fit. ”I’ve never bothered counting units,” he says. ”But I think it’s safe to say it was a lot. I usually drink wine, spirits and cider. I don’t like beer.”
The filming was a success and Woo decided to celebrate. ”I had a few drinks, took some Ecstasy and then passed out at a friend’s flat. I didn’t feel ill or anything, I just felt really tired and when I woke up, I was surrounded by ambulance men.” Woo was still too groggy to be frightened. ”My friends have told me I’d been asleep quite a while when I started making strange noises.” He was taken to Homerton hospital in Hackney, east London, where he spent two days in a ward. ”I was conscious but I can’t remember a thing about it. I’m told I was hallucinating.”
Then Woo developed acute liver failure and was moved to the intensive care unit (ICU). At one point it was thought he might need a liver transplant.
Luckily he didn’t. However, if the liver is damaged the body’s ability to remove or process alcohol and toxins and fight infection is impaired. As a result, Woo’s kidneys started failing too and he developed pneumonia. He was sedated into a medically induced coma to make him comfortable and wasn’t fully conscious again for two weeks.
”I’d been put on a ventilator and had a catheter and dialysis, but by the time I came round, all the paraphernalia had been removed and I felt quite well. I had no recollection of being taken there,” he says.
”I was so desperate to get out,” he says, ”I was trying to beat up the nurses. Then I calmed down and, for the next 10 days or so, I was just lying there with a throbbing headache. My liver was OK but I wasn’t urinating because my kidneys weren’t working and I couldn’t eat so I was on a drip.”
At one point Woo was about to fall asleep when a nurse noticed he was having extreme difficulty breathing. ”Because my kidneys weren’t working properly, my lungs had flooded [the body fills with excess water and waste when kidneys fail]. The sirens were going and I was surrounded by doctors. I was obviously in big trouble.”
Woo was put back on a ventilator and went back on dialysis. ”It does what your kidneys should do,” he says. ”Your blood gets sucked out through a tube, washed and put back in. You get cold because your blood cools down and you have to keep still, otherwise the tubes bend and the blood gets stuck.
”I woke up the next day really hungry. That’s when I knew I was going to be all right. Eventually, I was moved out of the ICU and for the first time since I’d been in hospital I looked in a mirror. I had a long beard, sunken eyes and a yellow pallor. I looked like some weird hermit. My legs had been reduced to twigs. All I could think was, ‘Shit! My legs are going to look awful in heels.”’
After five weeks Woo was discharged from hospital. He was offered drink and drug counselling, but he declined. ”I didn’t dislike my old life. I was usually pretty compos mentis and I was very productive. Besides, that environment fuels my work. I wasn’t told I had to give up alcohol, just that I shouldn’t drink for three months and then approach it with caution, but I did make the decision not to take drugs any more.
Amphetamines kill your appetite, so now I eat regularly and I get much more sleep.”
”My life has definitely changed. My relationships with my friends are better. Not that I think I was ever nasty– my drug-taking was all about dancing and spreading the love — but the comedown was never pleasant.”
Woo started performing again about four months after he left hospital. ”I’ve always been drawn to dark material,” he says.
”Before I fell ill, I did a hospital scene where I was dressed as a nurse and some tranny pretended to have a heart attack on stage, and for Gay Bingo I dressed up as a demonic nurse with a baby. It’s no wonder I ended up in hospital — I’d been channelling nurses all week.” —