Bangkok Dangerous
Joe (Nicolas Cage) realises one morning that his days as a lonely, cold-blooded master assassin are numbered. Predictably deciding that his next contract, a set of mafia-boss assassinations, will be his last, he moves to Bangkok to complete the assignment. Joe prides himself on not allowing himself to get close to anyone, but ends up befriending and even training the local pimp/pickpocket-turned-runner, Kong (Chakrit Yamnarm), whom Joe had initially recruited to do trivial tasks.
This is Thailand, after all, and Joe can’t help falling in love with a local blind girl, Fan (Charlie Young). Suddenly cold-blooded Joe morphs from an unsociable and anal-retentive murderer to a sensitive lover and insightful teacher, a combo that would make both Mr Miyagi and Romeo turn in their graves. The film’s narrative offers nothing new, so you would expect to be dazzled by breathtaking car chases and gun fights, witty dialogue and sharp screenplay. Instead, Bangkok Dangerous is a hodgepodge of dry, ghastly characters and an unimaginative screenplay, topped only by some really bad acting. — Azad Essa
The Love Guru
A massive international delegation of critical sourpusses has been mewling condescendingly about Mike Myers and his cheerful, silly, crass and entertaining new comedy. The Love Guru is a daft, immature, occasionally sentimental movie sending up Indian self-help gurus. It has some very groanworthy schoolboy gags — and plenty of really good ones as well. Myers’s schtick isn’t for everyone, but I laughed. — Peter Bradshaw