Mail & Guardian
Mail & Guardian

TAKE2: Laminating the King report on corporate governance

2 min read

For a long time I had the last King report of corporate governance on my desk. I never opened it, but I guess it was the King II report. It looked really important and could be seen as required reading for anyone interested in the body economic, such as I am.

I used to look at it and tell myself that it would be a good thing to read it.

But I did not read it, nor did I even come up with a strategy for how I could approach the reading of such a tome. I could, for instance, take a day’s leave, lock myself in a room, make sure that I was sufficiently fortified with sandwiches, liquids and other victuals, and then force my way through the thing.

But, as I say, I never got this far. Now there is a new King report and, from what I hear, it has some interesting things to say about corporate governance. But my sense is that, like me, most, if not many, of our executives need a two-page laminated version of the tome before they will pay it any heed.

I say this based on the slew of high-profile companies that are queuing in the corridors of the competition authorities in Pretoria to rat on one another. The true picture about the state of corporate governance in South Africa that emerges here is altogether different, I am sure, from what is envisaged by King in his weighty offering.

I suggest that the real code of corporate governance now dominating the business landscape in South Africa is as follows:

  • 1. All collusion is fine so long as it happens at a deniably low level.

  • 2. Ensure that these activities happen for a long time so that, for instance, you pay a fine based on a year for something that actually took place over ten years.

  • 3. Don’t ever double-cross competitors with whom you’ve had cosy meetings and dealings.

  • 4. Have a big PR machine ready to spin the fact that head office did not know that the company is up to its eyeballs in collusion.

  • 5. Get a legal firm to do an investigation. You can claim you are investigating the issue while fully knowing its findings will never be made public.

  • 6. Have a firm anti-competitive policy written down somewhere. You can dust off if need be.

  • 7. In the event of a fall-out with your colluders, rat first.

    • There you have it. Laminate that.