When Swazi MP Timothy Myeni called for HIV-positive people to be branded on the buttocks, he shocked the international community, but not those of us back home.
In a country that has the highest prevalence of HIV/Aids in the world, Myeni — who is also the leader of an award-winning gospel music group, Ncandweni Christ Ambassadors, is clueless on these issues. But we have become accustomed to such antics from the honourable members of our august house.
So how do we end up with people of Myeni’s stature as lawmakers? Could it be that our unique democracy is faulty?
In Swaziland, we don’t have multi-party democracy. Instead, our Constitution requires us to elect representatives directly to Parliament based on individual merit. And that’s where the mockery of democracy comes in. Anyone who wants to be elected needs to be nominated by a gathering at the local chief’s kraal or at a school and then seconded by at least 10 members of the community. This is the easiest part. You just collect all the members of your extended family to nominate and second you.
If you can’t spare them a pinch of salt or a cup of sugar when they come knocking in the evenings, then all you need are the folks at the local drinking hole — always trustworthy provided you keep them imbibing, of course.
Trouble begins at the second stage of our elections when the candidates start campaigning for votes. They make the usual ridiculous promises, such as ”I will make sure that the bridge is built and the road is tarred”, ”I will feed the orphaned children and old people”, et cetera.
But, as the current speaker of Parliament, Prince Guduza, reminded them recently, they are also expected to provide both transport and gifts to those they are hoping will elect them. This is all at their own expense, and many sink into deep financial trouble as they go from banks to moneylenders to secure money for the food parcels and blankets that have become the trademark donations in our impoverished communities.
The only ones who show a profit during this stage of our elections are the traditional healers-cum-prophets whom our ”individual merit” candidates consult in the hope of supernatural intervention.
And this is when headlines start appearing about missing children and mutilated bodies found on river banks, because the people of my country are still very superstitious.
Mgabhi Dlamini, a former speaker of Parliament, was fired for stealing cow dung — very special dung, marked with the king’s footprints. He claimed to have received instructions from his prophet that our king was in grave danger and that he needed royally imprinted cow dung for a ceremonial protection prayer.
And David Simelane, a serial killer accused of murdering more than 40 women and children in the late 1990s and selling the body parts to aspiring parliamentarians, is still awaiting trial in Matsapha Maximum Prison. He once threatened to spill the beans, saying many people holding senior government office would be put behind bars if he talked.
But for the thirsty these are also good times in the election. Beer flows endlessly and those of us not in full-time employment aim at becoming galajane (campaign strategists). If you’re lucky enough to become one, you get given money to buy the voters their drinks while you spread the word that there will be more of the same if they get your candidate into Parliament.
As for government policies on education, jobs creation, health and HIV/Aids, well, we normally cross those bridges when we get there. And that’s why I wasn’t surprised by Myeni’s call to have HIV-positive people branded on the buttocks.
As long as he keeps us dancing to his gospel tunes, gives us transport to shebeens, takes our pregnant girlfriends to hospital for check-ups and makes the occasional donation to the vulnerable and the elderly, we will make sure he gets back to Parliament.
That’s why we elected him.
Lucky Nhlanhla Sigudla is a weather forecaster with the Swaziland Meteorological Service in Mbabane. He is furthering his studies at the Institute for Meteorological Research and Training in Nairobi, Kenya
