My pancreas had packed its bags. It was about to walk out the door when it decided to leave me a thoughtful note explaining its departure. It went something like this:
“Dear Ungrateful Beeyatch, I’ve had it with you. I’ve been working my ass off for you for the longest time and you’ve never had the decency to thank me once for my hard work. All you ever do is extend my working hours and now you’re so damn rude, you’re actually ignoring me.
“I’ve been producing more insulin than ever before to counteract your terrible eating habits and you’ve decided to discard most, if not all, of my hard work. Well, thanks for nothing. Let’s see how you get along without me.
“Insincerely, your soon-to-beÂex-Pancreas.”
I wish I could talk to it, explain that the abuse it’s endured is nothing compared with the torture I’ve inflicted on my liver, my digestive system, my brain and well, just about every other organ, but it’s not listening and I don’t blame it.
‘Underdog of the organ world’
The pancreas is like the underdog of the organ world — it works its tail off and nobody really cares about it. Any salubrious decisions we make are all about the heart, the liver, the lungs or other major organs, but the pancreas goes unnoticed until it closes shop and you become a diabetic.
After my dietician explained how my body might be ignoring this poor organ’s work and developing possible insulin resistance, I decided to get into shape for my pancreas and no one else. I hope it’s listening.
Armed with an unusually rational approach to eating — courtesy of my dietician — I was talked into trying out Adventure Boot Camp (ABC) for women.
I’m not fond of the grunting, heaving, sweaty masses at gym. I tried running but, instead of a runner’s high, I only ever experienced a runner’s why, so ABC made perfect sense — until I realised I would have to wake up at the ungodly hour of 4.50am to get to class by 5.20am, because my dietician advised me that working out in the morning would be more beneficial than later in the day.
Saying that I’m not a morning person would be the equivalent of saying that Julius Malema is occasionally offensive but, thanks to our overly enthusiastic photographer, I grudgingly signed up for a month of working out “in a natural setting”, as the ABC website promised.
Horrendous
The natural setting for the Emmarentia camp was the University of Johannesburg’s hockey club grounds and the first morning of “camp” was horrendous.
To be on the safe side I set two separate alarms for Monday morning and eventually dragged myself out of bed because I had promised to fetch the photographer who would accompany me on the story. When I woke up it was raining and, had I not made that promise, I would have reset the alarm and pulled the duvet over my head.
When we got to the hockey club, we met group and personal trainer Louise Gierschick, though I wasn’t fully awake until Gierschick started the workout with a not-so-leisurely jog.
‘Torture with a fake smiley face attached’
With the dark still firmly wrapped around us and the rain slowing down to a drizzle, about 25 women of varying shapes, sizes and colours limped grumpily around the grounds.
When we got back to the club-house and started lunging, squatting, doing push-ups and crunches, it became clear that a boot camp isn’t intended to be fun — it’s torture with a fake smiley face attached.
The challenge on the first day was getting there. On the second day it was about ignoring aching muscles. The third day was about the sort of excruciating pain that saw many of us hobbling around like wounded soldiers — and the fourth day saw the lowest attendance of the week. The fifth day, however, made the first four days feel like a walk in the park. On the first Friday of camp trainers usually give campers a fitness test. Gierschick took note of how many push-ups and sit-ups we could do in a minute and we then had to run twice around the perimeter of the hockey grounds as quickly as possible.
Predictably, we weren’t happy campers after the fitness test.
The second week was marginally easier but the fact that Gierschick had stepped up the pace a little meant that we were working harder, though I wasn’t in as much pain as I had been during the first week of camp.
Initially working out in the dark was disorienting, but you get used to it after a few days.
What’s nice about the whole affair is that you never know what you’re going to be doing from one day to the next and Gierschick was very good at mixing the workouts. Throughout the four weeks we did everything from jogging to what felt like thousands of squats, crunches, push-ups and lunges, skipping, working with weights, circuit training and a host of other exercises.
I sometimes felt energised as a result of the workouts, but if I didn’t get enough sleep the night before then I would struggle throughout the day.
‘Didn’t feel forced’
Boot camp is not as frenetic as the name suggests and, although Gierschick did push us, at no point did I feel as though I would have been forced to do anything if I didn’t feel like it.
ABC was started in 2005 by personal trainer Huenu Solsana at Kirstenbosch Gardens in Cape Town and there are now 60 camps throughout South Africa.
Regardless of the good it did, I still feel that I am not one of those people who can easily wake up at 4.50am to work out. I don’t want to be one of those over-energised, verbose idiots who constantly tells others how hard she’s training and how far she can run in five minutes.
Yet, despite my obvious aversion, I’ve signed up to train for five days a week for the next two months. I must be insane, I keep thinking, it’s winter after all and I’m not entirely sure why I’ve done this. All I know is that I trained for four weeks, felt great and lost 3kg.
But, if you’re not on an eating plan, don’t expect to lose much weight while doing ABC. Some women in our class didn’t lose any, though just about everyone had shed a few centimetres here and there.
The three-day-a-week camp costs R560 (for four weeks) and the five-day camp costs R690. There’s a winter special for the June/July camps, which costs R850 for either three days or five days a week for the two months.
Once you sign up for a camp you have access to the ABC site, which has its own eating plans and fitness advice, and access to the ABC dietician.
I haven’t had an in-depth blood analysis since I started my new regime of healthy eating and training but a quick blood test revealed that my blood sugar is lower than it needs to be, so my pancreas is obviously unpacking its bags and is giving me a second chance.
Men are not allowed at boot camp and although I initially thought this made no sense I eventually preferred the all-women ordeal. As one camper put it simply but effectively: “We’re here to work out. We don’t want to worry about guys checking us out or making fun of us.”
In truth, I think that men are kept away because, when tetchy, boisterous women are pushing themselves to the limit, they can sometimes sound as sordid as a weekend movie on late-night television.
For more information, check out www.adventurebootcamp.co.za or call the national head office on 082 567 2267
Q&A with trainer Louise Gierschick
What sort of person gets into a profession that requires her to wake up at 4.30am every day to motivate a bunch of grumpy women to work out?
Only a crazy person loves kicking grumpy women’s butts into shape so early in the morning, but it makes it all worth it at the end of camp when you see the difference in the ladies’ confidence and health.
You said you’re not a morning person so how do you motivate yourself to get out of bed and be all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed?
Well, when the alarm goes off in the morning, I hop out of bed, still half asleep, and after I’ve tripped over my slippers and hit my head against the wall, I’m wide awake and ready to go.
My motivation is in the sunrise, fresh oxygen and a group of dedicated ladies wanting to get fit and be healthy.
Do Adventure Boot Camp trainers such as yourself have to go on a special camp to learn all the torture methods you inflict on us or do camp trainers devise the workouts themselves?
All ABC trainers undergo extensive training at ABC head office. All the classes/workouts are structured to cater for all fitness levels. However, the trainer does add in her own bits of torture. Also you have to be a qualified personal trainer with a minimum of a year’s experience to be considered to be an ABC trainer.
Have you ever had a really stroppy camper tell you to sod off during a workout? What would happen if someone just couldn’t do another lunge and accidentally told you off?
Honestly, I have never had a camper tell me off during a workout and if she did I would probably take it with a pinch of salt because she’s having a bad morning and sometimes we say things we really don’t mean. Then I would make her drop down for 20 push-ups [laughs wickedly]. We never expect ladies to do more than they can handle. We cater for women of all fitness levels so you are never made to feel like a fool, unless you aren’t pushing yourself.
What time do you have to go to bed to wake up at 4.30am and do you have much of a social life during the week?
I am in bed by 9.30pm. Seven hours sleep is just enough for me. I rarely socialise during the week, because my days are very busy. I am a personal trainer at Little Falls Virgin Active during the day and I also have a 6pm camp in the evening as well. I socialise at the weekend.
Why should women join Adventure Boot Camp? Can anyone sign up?
Women should join ABC if they want to improve their health and fitness. Ladies will experience lasting energy throughout the day and have noticeable weight loss and a reduction in centimetres. Also it’s an alternative to gym. When you work indoors all day it’s great to get into the fresh air in a safe and beautiful environment. The women-only aspect allows for great motivation and many friendships start at camp. The personal trainer aspect also plays a huge part because you don’t have to think about what you are doing.
What are your top three fitness tips?
My top three fitness tips are progression (build up fitness training), variation (different fitness exercises, for example jogging, swimming and cycling) and rest (rest between workouts to restore muscle strength).