I wasn’t quite sure whether to share this incident because it is insignificant when I recall the boozy context within which it happened. But, because it’s Women’s Month, I think it’s a story worth retelling.
Last week, while attending a small but lively party in Newtown, a random acquaintance suddenly yelled: “Milli has no vagina!” This he claimed while we were toasting the occasion.
Initially, I laughed nervously with the rest of the crowd but started getting angry when he wouldn’t stop exclaiming: “MILLI HAS NO VAGINA! MILLI HAS NO VAGINA! MILLI HAS NO VAGINA!”
I asked him why he was saying that and he, of course, couldn’t give me a valid answer. Instead, after I had objected to his abuse, he insisted I prove it and incited the onlookers to chant: “PROVE IT! PROVE IT! PROVE IT!”
What happened next was that I lost my composure and my manners spiralled out of control. I threw my glass of champagne over him, accompanying it with a few unsavoury four-letter words.
To my surprise, I didn’t feel better. In fact, I felt terrible for having done this because he is one of the most well-liked guys I know. Yes, that was my reason for apologising to him afterwards.
But he didn’t accept my apology and I suspect he still feels angry and emasculated. One of my friends comforted me by saying that I shouldn’t take his mouth farts seriously but, after calming down, his misogynist banter is the least of my concerns. Why was I the one apologising when he had abused me?
I could have handled the situation differently because I know better than to replay scenes from B-grade movies. But had he said “You have no penis” to another guy, he would probably resemble Sicelo Shiceka’s broken body.
I haven’t been forced to think about the significance of Women’s Day since my activist days at university, until now.
As emancipated as women are on paper, our freedom is governed by the need to satisfy society’s ideas about how we should behave towards men.
Our social conditioning, which is from a male disposition, is the reason I feel I was rude for reacting the way I did. I fought back and was unpopular as a result. What more then for women who face bigger battles than this? Could this be one of the reasons why most women choose to stay in abusive relationships, because the line between appropriate and unpopular behaviour is so unclear?
As long as women still treat men as though their opinions, actions and reactions are more valuable than ours, we will continue living in a world in which Women’s Day is celebrated because it’s a holiday rather than it a reminder that the struggle for equality is a daily one.
I would rather live in a world that was so just that it didn’t have to dedicate a day or a month to women as a reminder of just how disparate the system is.