/ 24 January 2011

I love you, but I love your bank balance more

Most women want to marry men who are richer and more successful than they are or, at the very least, they don’t want to marry lower than their financial station in life.

These are the findings of research done by an outspoken and controversial London School of Economics sociologist, Dr Catherine Hakim, and were published by the United Kingdom’s Centre for Policy Studies earlier this month.

Hakim listed what she calls 12 feminist myths. This is one of them:
“Women’s aspiration to marry up, if they can, to a man who is better educated and higher-earning persists in most European countries. The Nordic countries share this pattern with all other parts of Europe. Women thereby continue to use marriage as an alternative or supplement to their employment careers. Financial dependence on a man has lost none of its attractions after the equal opportunities revolution.”

An analysis of figures for Britain shows that in 1949 20% of women married husbands with significantly higher levels of education than their own. She found that by the late 1990s the proportion of women who were “marrying up” had almost doubled to 38%.

Similar patterns are seen across much of Europe, the United States and Australia. She goes on to say that women are too embarrassed to admit they would prefer someone who earns more than they do, even to the men they are dating.

Controversy
The findings have caused some controversy and sparked debate in British newspapers. But is anyone really shocked by this finding? Why is it even news?

I find none of this research surprising but am bothered by the assumption that wanting to marry rich is tantamount to being a gold-digger.

It is just pragmatic, given that with a larger household income, the possibility of giving you, your partner and children a better quality of life is increased. And who doesn’t want that?

What is also problematic with what the study suggests and the way in which it’s being interpreted by the British press — especially conservative titles such as the Telegraph and the male columnists in particular — is that the findings should be seen as a blow to the feminist pursuit of equal opportunities and ambitions to narrow the pay gap between men and women.

Women who want to climb the ladder and earn big pay packets will continue to do so and those who would prefer to stay home should not be vilified as if it were some shameful sin. The beauty of the fight for greater emancipation is about the right to choose and that is where the victory lies.

It would be interesting to see what the findings of such a study done in South Africa and other developing countries would show given the different socioeconomic dynamics between us and developed countries such as Europe and the US, seeing as many of these career opportunities are relatively new and many women are still at the bottom of the ladder when it comes to employment.

South Africa has touted gender equality and opening up economic opportunities for women. Already we are seeing an increase in upwardly mobile women taking advantage of those opportunities with relish.

Yet despite these gains, what is troubling in the South African context is the number of women who, regardless of their improved chances, are still resorting to transactional relationships to improve their lot of life.

We’ve seen the likes of Khanyi Mbau who are paraded on the arms of rich men and admit to enjoying an ostentatious lifestyle but can’t show any discernible way of having earned that lifestyle, had it not been for the men in their lives.

I was astounded by the number of young and scantily clad women who attended the ANC’s gala dinner in Polokwane two weeks ago, who appeared as if on exhibition in a manner that I found quite debasing. The question is: Why are some women, despite all the advances that have been made, still choosing to make it by simply attaching themselves to men of power and influence?

I realise I seem to be contradicting myself here. My point is that people list many criteria for choosing a spouse, including the earning power or potential earning power of their mate.

But what grates and is despicable in the extreme is when you see it being used as the only criterion, in a shrewd and calculated game to catch a cash cow. Ultimately, if you portray yourself as a commodity, you will be treated as such.