The world can be a depressing place and the news usually reflects that.
So it’s always a relief when, in between headlines announcing the latest political scandal, crime, and economic chaos, one stumbles across stories about dwarf porn, toga-wearing Russian prisoners, and a drunk moose.
These stories won’t affect the financial markets or do anything for world peace but that doesn’t mean they have no value — if our reaction to gay penguins and dancing policemen don’t reveal anything about the human condition, nothing will.
Here are some of the stories you may have missed in 2011.
A little man with big problems
Monkeys + typewriters + an infinite amount of time = the complete works of Shakespeare, or something like that.
Similarly, at some point, the internet was bound to produce this headline: “Gordon Ramsay’s Gay Dwarf Porn Double Found Dead in a Badger Den in Wales“. It’s a gift that keeps on giving, really.
The story was reported by the UK’s reputable Daily Telegraph, and included references to some of the work the unfortunate young star had appeared in, as well as comment from his agent. It soon went viral, with few questioning its authenticity. It has since been revealed that the whole thing was an elaborate hoax.
Moose on the loose
A story about a moose who gets drunk from eating too many fermented apples may not seem like the type of thing Very Serious Journalists should be worrying about. But judging by the sheer number of retweets and comments the story received, there really should be a whole news department dedicated to inebriated elks.
Ensure the moose in question is stuck up a tree and startles a Scandinavian, and you have all the ingredients for a story guaranteed to go viral.
According to the person that found the poor beast and arranged its rescue, it had been wandering around the Swedish neighbourhood of Saro for days, and appeared be sick, drunk, or “half-stupid” — which surely should leave most wondering what a completely stupid moose is like.
Fit for an emperor
People often complain that convicted criminals are treated too nicely in prison, what with three square meals a day, TV and the rest of it. It’s a touchy and subjective issue. Some would argue that, no matter how cushy the surroundings seem, life in prison is tough. A group of Russian prisoners made a complete mockery of this argument when they hosted a dinner party in their cells — complete with McDonald’s takeaways and lashings of caviar. All this to celebrate the arrival of a recently-convicted criminal boss.
Bizarrely, it was a Roman-themed party, with the jovial prisoners dressed in togas and wielding tridents and swords (made out of cardboard, thankfully).
When images of the prison cell symposium emerged on the internet, the embarrassed spokesperson for Russia’s Federal Service for the execution of punishment announced that an investigation would be launched.
Get down, Officer
Last year South Africans had their dancing striker. This year, the UK was treated to the sight of one of London’s Metropolitan Police letting loose at the annual Notting Hill Carnival.
Not conventional law-enforcement behaviour, surely, but who could blame him for wanting to have some fun? The carnival took place shortly after the riots in London, one of the biggest challenges the police force had faced in decades, and at a time when police actions and responses were still being debated and criticised in the media.
The only thing people seemed keen on debating when it comes to this officer, however, is whether or not his dance moves can be described as skanking. We don’t know what it is, but we like it.
Brokeback Penguin
There was public outcry when it was announced that Buddy and Pedro, two male African penguins at Toronto Zoo, who had formed a close bond and had been exhibiting the same ritual behaviour usually seen in breeding pairs, would be separated in order to encourage them to mate with females.
Despite zoo officials insisting that this was something that was necessary for the survival of their (rare) species, and that their time apart would be as brief as possible, many felt that they should just be left well alone, and not forced to do anything they didn’t want to do. As one writer put it: “I know they’re endangered and all, but if I had to impregnate a woman just so I could live with my boyfriend, I’d be pissed.”
It remains to be seen if Pedro and Buddy will breed successfully, or if they will attain the same iconic status as Roy and Silo, the two male chinstrap penguins at New York’s Central Park Zoo who formed a similar bond and even raised young together, and inspired a book.
View more highlights of the year that was in our special report.
