Nothing happens in Canada for 77th straight year

According to official spokesperson May Pilsirrup, the last time anything happened in Canada was in 1935, when a Mountie mounted his mount in a manner unbecoming an officer and gentleman and was forced to hand over his gun, badge and official waffle iron.

"Some people call us boring," said Pilsirrup.

"But we call ourselves Chad and Sue and Betsy and Bill and Jean-Pierre and Chow Hong and Patsy and Abdul and Ethel and … shall I keep going? I probably should, right? That would be the inclusive Canadian thing to do."

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