Five SA Christian Greys and what they would say

Could Kenny Kunene be the next Christian Grey?

Could Kenny Kunene be the next Christian Grey?

The 50 Shades of Grey author EL James finally revealed who would portray the lead in the film adaptation of the book.

Don't know who that is? Relax, a quick Twitter search will give you everything you apparently need to know.

But in other news, here's a list of South African Grey potentials who could be cast as the lead in this soft-core film.

Disclaimer: This is a satirical list. While we appreciate the fact that South Africa has a lot to offer in the man candy department – there's really nothing funny or particularly smart about offering up Chad le Clos or Masego "Maps" Maponyane, because damn, we all know they could definitely pave the way for an on-screen Grey.

With that said, here is a list of who couldn't actually play Christian Grey but who really should, just because hearing them recite these lines from the book would be really funny and quite the opposite of a "sexy" beckoning. 

1. Julius Malema 
Now who could refuse this guy? Any Anastasia would be lucky.
Look how expressive he is!


 

2. Steve Hofmeyr
No. Whoever's making Steve's palm twitch, please stop.

3. Jacob Zuma
Just in case you didn't know, Zuma doesn't mean this in the Christian Grey way.  

?


4. Ninja from Die Antwoord
Nor is Christian Grey Ninja. But maybe you need to consider it?

5. Kenny Kunene
Yes Kenny, we know. Somehow though, when Christian Grey announces it, I imagine that it's slightly sexier. Although ...

Haji Mohamed Dawjee

Haji Mohamed Dawjee

Haji Mohamed Dawjee became Africa’s first social media editor in a newsroom at the Mail & Guardian, where she went on to work as deputy digital editor and a disruptor of the peace through a weekly column. A stint as the program manager for Impact Africa – a grant-disbursing fund for African digital journalists – followed. She now pursues her own writing full time by enraging readers of EWN and Women 24 with weekly and bi-monthly columns respectively. She also contributes to the Sunday Times and a range of other publications. Mohamed Dawjee's inaugural book of essays: Sorry, not sorry: Experiences of a brown woman in a white South Africa, is due for release by Penguin Random House in April 2018.Follow her on Twitter: @sage_of_absurd Read more from Haji Mohamed Dawjee

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