/ 14 October 2016

Put some lipstick on your nasturtium

Echo and Narcissus by John William Waterhouse
Echo and Narcissus by John William Waterhouse
THE FIFTH COLUMN

I recently received a press release from Lapa Uitgewers, announcing the appearance of Ek! Ek! Ek! Herken en Hanteer Narsiste. I was momentarily confused, as I mentally translated from the Afrikaans, and thought this could perhaps be a gardening guide, one that might contain key information on how to handle your nasturtiums.

In fact, the title should be translated Me! Me! Me! Recognise and Handle Narcissists. You know, like that other flower, the narcissus — named for the ephebe of Greek myth, who was so entranced by his own reflection in a pool that he couldn’t stop looking, ultimately wasting away or dying of hunger and thirst.

The Greek gods were amused by this kind of thing, so the relevant plant, which doubtless then sprang forth in full bloom on the spot, was named narcissus. Narcissus (plural narcissi), of course, is from the Latin version of the self-regarding youth’s name; in Greek it’s Narkissos, which doesn’t sound quite so floral.

Lapa Uitgewers do not seem to publish in English, which is a bit of a pity because I’m sure many non-Afrikaans readers could benefit immensely by a consideration of narcissism and narcissists, as they would, indeed, from more on handling nasturtiums or nasturtia.

It’s a little concerning that Roux is also the author of Lang Bene en Lipstiek: Gebruik Jou Seksualiteit en Behaal Sukses, a title I’d translate as Long Legs and Lipstick: Use Your Sexuality and Achieve Success. One objects to this because, first, it’s addressed to women only and, second, because “lipstiek” is surely what my Ouma would have called a “lelike anglisisme”.

Nonetheless, Roux may have a contribution to make on narcissism. The book, it says, offers information on “how to recognise and handle narcissists [which is easier to spell in Afrikaans]. It includes early warning signs and all the characteristics, as well as a control list so you can see whether you are dealing with a narcissist. Or if you are one.”

I’m not sure we want to use the words “control list” here, because some narcissists are control freaks and this may encourage them. Note that all the narcissistic characteristics mentioned in the press release belong to “he” and “him”.

Apart from that, though, info on how to handle narcissists would help many of us a great deal, I believe. Especially the part about using the book to find out whether you, yourself, are a narcissist. This may be the only way to tell a narcissist that he — or (let’s not be sexist here) she — is a narcissist.

In ordinary daily interaction, you can’t make it clear to narcissists that they’re narcissists, because narcissists can’t hear anything that doesn’t amount to glowing praise and worship of them. I hope Roux’s book includes a bit on “How to get a narcissist to read this book”.

Perhaps you just give it to him or her and say: “Here, read this. It’s all about you.”