(Reuters)
THE FIFTH COLUMN
Thabo Mbeki at the Rand Easter Show! How thrilling. The diminutive former statesman was wheeled out of retirement by the ANC to counter the presence of his former foe, Julius Malema, who now leads the ANC’s external ultra-left wing, the Economic Freedom Fighters (EFF). If only those two were able to go head-to-head in the election campaign —now that’d be something to see.
First, though, a little background. It was Malema, then leading the ANC Youth League, who said he would kill for Jacob Zuma, who was then challenging Mbeki for the ANC leadership. Later, in one of those historical ironies one can only relish, Malema himself was booted out of the ANC — by his former patron and glorious leader, Zuma, for comparing him unfavourably with his predecessor, Mbeki!
How we chuckled.
It’s rather odd that, now, with both Mbeki and Zuma out of power, Malema is backing Zuma’s bagman, Tom Moyane, to the hilt, and demonising Pravin Gordhan, Zuma’s bête noir, for all he’s worth. But that’s a puzzle for another day.
At least Mbeki has returned from seclusion at his think-tank to do some actual work for the ANC at the hustings. He said he was now comfortable punting the ANC, whereas before (read: during Zuma’s tenure) he wasn’t.
It’ll be fascinating to see what pearls of wisdom Mbeki can throw out to encourage voters to give the ANC one more chance, now that a reasonably honourable man, Cyril Ramaphosa, is at its head.
Ironic, too, though, in that Mbeki was in contest with Ramaphosa for the deputy presidency under Nelson Mandela and, with the support of the exile contingent, Mbeki won. Later Ramaphosa was accused of plotting against Mbeki, but that little spat has surely been forgotten.
Mbeki could give us the benefit of his experience, perhaps, in explaining how to get rid of political opponents who look like they’re aiming to bring down the present leadership, even though his experience with Zuma was a bit of a smackdown for him.
We need some help because we want to understand how a vote for Ramaphosa is not also a vote for the unregenerate “corruption” wing of the ANC, led by secretary general Ace “Gangster State” Magashule with the support of such high-flying luminaries as Nomvula “Frozen Chicken” Mokonyane and Malusi “Watch Me Jerk Off” Gigaba.
Mbeki is, after all, competing with Jacob “Nine Wasted Years” Zuma for the attention of potential ANC voters. The latter (who, again ironically, in his last days in office appropriated the EFF’s “expropriation without compensation” plank) is campaigning for the ANC in areas such as KwaZulu-Natal by endorsing Black First Land First, famously led by a man who claims he won the endorsement of North Korea’s Kim Jong-Un because Kim sent him a special dark blue suit to wear.
Yes, it’s terribly confusing, but Mbeki is here to help. Tell us, please, who the hell are we voting for?