Pictures of Sophie Dahl and her boyfriend, jazz musician Jamie Cullum, are deemed insufficient, by certain newspapers, to ram home what an unnatural pairing they make. The London Daily Mail newspaper called them ”The Little and Large Show”, and the Sun, confusingly, ”Little Dahling”. Even Cullum’s own website says, ”Dates: Sophie Dahl (seven inches taller)”.

Children of working mothers are more likely to be obese, apparently. They sit at home, entirely alone but for a designated care-giver, thinking ”Where’s my mummy? Doesn’t she love me at all? Oh, for the selfless care of my biological mater! Instead, I’ll have to make do with these sweets and bars of chocolate.”

The celebrity magazine heat probably has it snappiest when it calls them, in its cover story, the ”no-knicker girls”. They are describing famous girls who go to parties without knickers on, see. They go out, get photographed by the paparazzi — usually as they are getting into a car — and reveal everything.