For centuries, manhood has been defined by skewed patriarchal norms rooted in cultural, religious, political and social conditioning. While these traditional norms are being challenged, boys and men are grappling with the question: What makes a man in the 21st century?
How does one become a present father, good husband and emotionally regulated leader in society? What examples of positive masculinity can serve as references for accountability, vulnerability, love and empathy?
The page for some can be a space to voice these vulnerabilities often hidden and discouraged. These stories — fictional and factual — give broad scope to the wounds and hopes men carry when making decisions in their homes, workplace and communities. These voices shed light on how men show up — flawed, scared but determined to contribute positively to society.
In addition to growing research, roundtable debates and even commemorative months focused on men issues, these recent South African titles are a necessary contribution to the topic of manhood.
Sue Nyathi — Man-hood: Confessions from the Heart
The question, however, on most people’s lips is why society should care about men’s feelings when most oppression is felt by women at the hands of men empowered by patriarchal privilege. In the recent book, Man-hood: Confessions from the Heart, editor Sue Nyathi states: “To acknowledge these realities is not to diminish the historical imbalances created by patriarchy and the struggles women continue to face.”
All 21 men in this collection wear their souls on their sleeves, where guilt, shame and anxiety dissolve like tears on a cloth. The book encourages readers — men and women — to listen with a compassionate heart and ear.
It offers stories of men’s vulnerability dictated by cultural norms, such as in Katsuya Watanabe’s Snow and Silence and Phethelo Fakude’s Moving Mountain; stories of a love they yearn, such as in Kojo Baffoe’s Motherless; stories of regrets and accountability, like Bongani Luthuli in Post-mortem and Themba Tom Ntuli’s Trying Husband.
Compared to the anthology, When Secrets Become Stories: Women Speak Out, also edited by Nyathi, this recent collection focuses on male voices.
As Nyathi emphasises in the book's introduction, the approach was not meant as a counterargument but to broaden the conversation about men wrestling with manhood, masculinity, fatherhood, husbandhood, identity, failure and social expectations.
Evocative of Tumisang Shongwe’s Our Brothers’ Voices, a collection of short stories also exploring the inner lives of boys and men, Man-hood signals a growing need to hear what men have to say for themselves irrespective of the editor's gender.
Nthikeng Mohlele — Love
Typical of Nthikeng Mohlele’s previous novels which include Small Things and Revolutionaries House, Love is a first-person narrative.
Melvin Ramone, aka Sebastian Salt, is a complex man — four times married, four times divorced, four times widowed, four times prostituted and twice arrested. The character's ache is as hyperbolic as the writer’s penmanship. Known for his lyrical flair, Mohlele is a word surgeon; the page is his operating table and the pen is his treasured instrument.
Sebastian Salt, an award-winning chef, is a lone divorced man preoccupied by his unresolved childhood traumas, his supposed unimportance, loss and the complexities of love. Besides his ambition to build a church, Salt is trying to rebuild his life after losing a significant portion of his pension in the divorce settlements.
At the start of the novel, the protagonist is offered work at Signal Hill Correctional Facility, a luxury-like all female prison. What follows is a blend of crime, romance, speculative and literary fiction of note.
Amid his loneliness, depression and suicidal thoughts, we follow a man’s battle with morality and accountability in an environment that has condemned men as perpetrators, made worse by four divorces to his name. The stigma and suspicion hang on him like old sweat after a marathon.
After four marriages, Salt is pulled in four directions, embodying four versions of his newer self as a divorced man.
He states: “Many, many people never survive a single divorce, and some never will, but I find myself in a titanic battle with passions and sorrows and doubts from four marriages that plunged me down a rocky cliff, breaking bones, suffering skin and flesh lacerations.”
Though it’s a fictional work, Love gives portent insights of man’s mind wrestling with love, grief, depression and purpose.
Pepe Marais — One Word: The Power of Simplicity in a Complex Business World
There, certainly comes a time when a person asks existential questions about their purpose.
Before becoming a renowned corporate leader of one of the top advertising agencies in Africa and the Middle East, Pepe Marais was a shy coloured boy growing up in an abusive household with an alcoholic father. That unhealthy environment planted a seed of limiting beliefs, such as “I am not good enough”, which adversely affected how he showed up to the world.
Decades later at age 38, the author felt stuck and aimless until he had a profound awakening.
The word “greatness” anchored his shift towards a purpose-filled approach to life during this transformative process at Insight Training Centre in Diepsloot, Johannesburg.
The epiphany was followed by the final purpose statement; “To bring out the best in the those around me, through bringing out the best in myself first.”
Written with candid humour, through a sharp personal, business and academic lens, the first part of the book examines the author’s life purpose and its impact on his vision and growing advertising agency, Joe Public.
His doctoral thesis, which encourages corporate leaders to think differently and meaningfully about the role of business in society, is covered in the second part of the book. Part three covers the author’s current mental state in allowing life to happen while remaining agile and adaptable in a changing world.
The book highlights that discovering one’s purpose — or your “why” — as corporate leaders can translate into corporate purpose influencing a healthy lived organisational culture.
A reminder that as male business leaders, ruling with an iron fist are things of the past. Emotional intelligence, personal growth, empathy and servant leadership are some much-needed qualities in business and public service for betterment of society.
Dr Mzamo Masito — The Country Hates our Boys
In dealing with my own mental health issues around 2022, I was misunderstood and rejected by my loved ones because I am often seen as strong and independent. When I sat through a panel discussion at a book festival earlier this year, I was reminded of the rejection, an emotion that grew into anger until I went for therapy.
Despondent and rejected, it’s easy for a boy or a man to instantly agree with Dr Mzamo Masito's controversial title, The Country Hates Our Boys. As an abused child and now as an adult, I felt frustrated, confused and somehow hated.
In addition to the gloomy tone regarding abused women and children at the hands of men, I constantly wondered how anyone could acknowledge my mental, emotional, spiritual and financial struggles.
In the panel discussion led by Craig Wilkinson, Masito spoke passionately about how boys and men, particularly black and coloured, are left out in the conversation highlighting abuse, trauma and other struggles. He contends that there is a lack of positive male role models for boys and men and safe spaces to voice their challenges.
Masito points out: “Hurt boys mature into hurting men, perpetuating cycles that impact everyone, including the girls and women in their lives.” Thus, the voices of boys and men are necessary if we are to create a holistic and empathic society.
Dr Njabulo James Nkosi — Father of a Man
Dr Njabulo Nkosi, who was included in the panel discussion, spoke highly about his father’s positive influence in his life — something many boys and men, including myself, lacked.
In Father of a Man: The 5 Ideals to Build Better Men, Nkosi addresses the absence of positive male role models and the consequences this has on families and society, while firmly asserting that men have the power to redefine their legacy.
Through the five ideals, the book attempts to “challenge destructive patterns while offering practical guidance for personal growth, strong families and healthier communities.”
As I listened to the authors, it brought Dr Malose Langa’s Becoming Men: Black Masculinities in a South African Township into frame. Between 2007 and 2018, Langa conducted a longitudinal study with 32 boys in the township of Alexandra, Johannesburg — most growing up in fatherless households — exploring their definitions of manhood.
Works and efforts like these by writers, business leaders, activists and mental health practitioners shed much-needed light on the male psyche and heart. They give men a language to express their emotions and offer society valuable insights into male struggles and their journey towards healing.