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The Fifth Column

Doors, chairs and what lies between
Article
/ 27 September 2019

Doors, chairs and what lies between

One might say that all the doors we pass through in our lives are ours. They belong to us, just because we passed through them, or we belong to them

By Shaun De Waal
How to (kind of) make it as a M&G columnist
Article
/ 20 September 2019

How to (kind of) make it as a M&G columnist

There will be rejection in the form of no replies, which will haunt you for days. Keep going.

By Hans Mackenzie Main
The pros of Myself (Pty) Ltd
Article
/ 28 June 2019

The pros of Myself (Pty) Ltd

"I’ve been using a company name and have played with the idea of talking to clients about “us here at the office”… but I’ve realised it’s just me. "

By Hans Mackenzie Main
Dylan pulls off another put-on
Article
/ 21 June 2019

Dylan pulls off another put-on

As Picasso said, though he may have had TS Eliot’s words put in his mouth: “Good artists copy; great artists steal.”​

By Shaun De Waal
World Cup’s his and hers moment
Article
/ 14 June 2019

World Cup’s his and hers moment

‘The revolution has spilled onto the screen’

By Hans Mackenzie Main
You’ve got (sincere) mail
Article
/ 31 May 2019

You’ve got (sincere) mail

Emails from clients and colleagues by far outnumber those from friends and family

By Hans Mackenzie Main
We’ve GoT so many endings
Article
/ 24 May 2019

We’ve GoT so many endings

More than a million fans have signed a petition to have the last season of Game of Thrones redone

By Shaun De Waal
An evening routine unsullied
Article
/ 18 April 2019

An evening routine unsullied

By the time Game of Thrones is scheduled to air on Showmax, I’m asleep. That’s just the way I roll and no amount of suspense is going to change it.

By Hans Mackenzie Main
Tyresome lower-case tornado
Article
/ 12 April 2019

Tyresome lower-case tornado

Tony Yengeni’s tweet implied Mashaba should be necklaced. He has been widely criticised for this, and the DA has laid a charge.

By Shaun De Waal
Bright lights, dark mutterings
Article
/ 29 March 2019

Bright lights, dark mutterings

Are we so in thrall to images of wealth that we would just stand there, agog at the spectacle, and not wonder about all this wasted electricity?

By Shaun De Waal
‘Praise the Lord, I’m a real fat cat’
Article
/ 15 March 2019

‘Praise the Lord, I’m a real fat cat’

Why would a pastor who was not only made rich by God but is also presumably protected by God need guard houses?

By Shaun De Waal
Doccies don’t lie. Or do they?
Article
/ 8 March 2019

Doccies don’t lie. Or do they?

In Leaving Neverland two men make allegations refuted by the family of a dead man unable to defend himself

By Staff Reporter
Pope thinks entrapment isn’t kosher
Article
/ 1 March 2019

Pope thinks entrapment isn’t kosher

Pope Francis has caused something of a storm by advocating a change to the Lord’s Prayer

By Shaun De Waal
Life (sort of) begins at 40
Article
/ 8 February 2019

Life (sort of) begins at 40

‘I was born to be 40’

By Hans Mackenzie Main
The New Year’s resolutions solution
Article
/ 11 January 2019

The New Year’s resolutions solution

To be resolute is to be unwavering and they waver (in the form of waivers), taking away our right to demand logic

By Hans Mackenzie Main
The ABC of a tough year
Article
/ 14 December 2018

The ABC of a tough year

Yes, 2018 was tough, but when last did we not have a tough year?

By Hans Mackenzie Main
It’s wild at the traffic department
Article
/ 30 November 2018

It’s wild at the traffic department

‘I also marvelled, yes marvelled, at the patience of everyone standing and sitting, staring blankly into space’

By Hans Mackenzie Main
The blank black and criminality
Article
/ 23 November 2018

The blank black and criminality

‘Having been burgled soon after I moved into a new house in Melville last year, I am appreciative of the services of a security company’

By Shaun De Waal
Dark forces threaten Member
Article
/ 9 November 2018

Dark forces threaten Member

Malusi Gigaba is an Honourable Member, as they say in Parliament. He is, shall we say, a member in good standing

By Shaun De Waal
A clever plan for silly season
Article
/ 2 November 2018

A clever plan for silly season

What we’re seeing is state-sponsored anarchy

By Hans Mackenzie Main
A 50-minute work week is remotely possible
Article
/ 19 October 2018

A 50-minute work week is remotely possible

In all the offices I’ve worked, I sat in the so-called bullpen — a shared working space modelled on ­war-time sweat shops.

By Hans Mackenzie Main
Mummy’s hung in for a long time
Article
/ 12 October 2018

Mummy’s hung in for a long time

Mumia was believed to come from embalmed corpses’ bone or tissue, but it seems more likely to have been the bitumen used in mummification

By Shaun De Waal
Save petrol tip spills over to crazy
Article
/ 4 October 2018

Save petrol tip spills over to crazy

‘My immediate reaction was to think of ways to combat the grave injustice of the petrol price’

By Hans Mackenzie Main
Weed war needs a little indica
Article
/ 28 September 2018

Weed war needs a little indica

‘In some countries, you’d be okay if you were caught with a gram of the stuff because that’s seen as a one-person portion,’ writes Shaun de Waal

By Shaun De Waal
The art of the flea market deal
Article
/ 21 September 2018

The art of the flea market deal

Milnerton flea market in Cape Town is a veritable training ground for the upstart dealmaker with asking prices rarely breaking the R100 mark

By Hans Mackenzie Main
Of ciphers and little favours
Article
/ 14 September 2018

Of ciphers and little favours

The Broederbond itself — dedicated to ensuring the supremacy of Afrikaners —was split into verkrampte and verligte tendencies

By Shaun De Waal
Flummoxed by all the fakery
Article
/ 31 August 2018

Flummoxed by all the fakery

‘I do hope it’s not fake news’

By Shaun De Waal
Celebrate! It’s in the bag
Article
/ 24 August 2018

Celebrate! It’s in the bag

‘The world’s attitude towards plastic is changing. It could be too late but it’s changing’

By Staff Reporter
Men, go Deep to be Actively Clean
Article
/ 17 August 2018

Men, go Deep to be Actively Clean

‘Product range’, as any sociologist can tell you, is the term for when a company repackages goods with new colours, logos and names

By Shaun De Waal
Penning a route for lost Odysseus
Article
/ 3 August 2018

Penning a route for lost Odysseus

‘Now there’s a bit of a cultural fudge going on here’

By Shaun De Waal
Urinals – target the urinals!
Article
/ 27 July 2018

Urinals – target the urinals!

A man held captive at the urinal is much more likely to grunt, snort and think to himself ‘Fuck, time to go to Mavericks’

By Staff Reporter
Abba’s back and we Cher can’t wait (!)
Article
/ 20 July 2018

Abba’s back and we Cher can’t wait (!)

Here we go again

By Shaun De Waal
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