The Fifth Column

 
An H&M mannequin speaks
An H&M mannequin speaks
It was horrendous, as you can imagine. A wave of red overalls — a veritable sea — came rushing down the aisles frothing, fuming,...
When the ladybot says ‘hold on’ …
When the ladybot says ‘hold on’ …
We are currently experiencing high call volumes. Please continue holding. Please wait for the next available agent. Actually, all the available...
Exclusive: Baleka's new poem
Exclusive: Baleka's new poem
It is often forgotten that, in her youth, Baleka Mbete was a struggle poet. Today, the Fifth Column, in conjunction with our partners in free-floating surveillance and hacking, is able to reveal a new poem composed just the other day by the speaker in the National Assembly, one of the...
The dark side of bitcoin
The dark side of bitcoin
Let’s get down to brass tacks. The bits of coin lying around the house are not bitcoin. So, what exactly is bitcoin? Few people know. Is bitcoin...
Forged in the fires of history
Forged in the fires of history
A week ago, the new Museum of the Bible opened in Washington, DC, just round the corner from the Smithsonian Institution. It was set up by...
How to publish a fees report
How to publish a fees report
Dear Fees Commission,
Old pirates and new gangsters
Old pirates and new gangsters
Charles van Onselen’s latest fascinating historical detective work is called, to give it its full title, The Cowboy Capitalist: John Hays...
Another Guptastic escape
Another Guptastic escape
My placard had the letters F-B-I written small in the bottom-right corner so as to not arouse suspicion. The agents sniffed me out instantly...
Deep inside the race to be prez
Deep inside the race to be prez
Report of the Mdluli Detachment to His Excellent Highness Number One: State of Various Contenders for ANC Presidency in Run-up to December Elective...
A movie exec walks into a bar ...
A movie exec walks into a bar ...
A movie exec walks into a bar and joins an ex-sitcom star and a president. “Pussy Riot,” he says, ogling the performers on stage. “Great...
The red-letter month that kind of wasn’t
The red-letter month that kind of wasn’t
After my recent calendrical lucubrations on the French revolutionary adjustments to the measurement of time, and on the eve of the centenary of the...
And God said: ‘Go braai, hang or whatever’
And God said: ‘Go braai, hang or whatever’
The lawyer’s office was filled to the brim with eight billion people — the entire population of the world — waiting breathlessly to...

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