Women give up on self-care and provide emotional, financial and practical labour because they are deemed ‘strong enough’ to handle it. Photo: David Harrison/M&G
There’s a particular burden in being celebrated for your ability to endure. It’s subtle, wrapped in praise and admiration, but it takes its toll. We’ve built an entire mythology around the “strong woman”. She weathers every storm, carries every burden and emerges victorious against all odds. But what happens when the very strength we celebrate becomes the prison that confines?
Recent research from 1st for Women’s inaugural “Her and Now: Insights into the Women of South Africa 2025” report reveals a sobering truth: more than 90% of women say people assume they can handle everything because they’re perceived as resilient. This isn’t empowerment, it’s exhaustion disguised as admiration.
We’ve created a dangerous narrative about female strength. Society has transformed resilience from a survival mechanism into an expectation. When 67% of women report feeling expected to “keep it all together” daily, we’re not witnessing empowerment, instead we’re observing the systematic outsourcing of emotional and practical labour to those deemed “strong enough” to handle it.
The data paints a stark picture of this burden: 68% of women report that others depend on them emotionally, financially or socially every single day. This results in relentless expectation that women serve as the scaffolding holding up everyone else’s lives while their own foundations quietly crumble.
The myth of the ‘unbreakable’ woman
Perhaps the most damaging effect of the “strong woman” archetype is how deeply it shapes women’s own self-perception. When 68% of women say they judge themselves more harshly than others, it shows just how thoroughly these impossible standards have taken root. Many have become their own fiercest critics, measuring themselves against superhuman expectations impossible to meet.
This self-criticism shows up in painful, everyday ways, such as 64% of women feeling guilty about spending money on themselves. We’ve created a culture where self-care is equated with selfishness, where a woman’s wellbeing is deemed less important than her ability to serve others.
The financial strain behind this guilt adds another layer. While 88% of women see financial independence as essential to happiness, more than six in 10 lack the support to pursue their goals. The result is a cycle where women are expected to prove their strength in order to access resources, all while being relied upon to provide limitless support to everyone else.
In this way, guilt about self-investment becomes more than a psychological weight, it becomes an economic one. When women deny themselves rest, joy or financial freedom, they effectively subsidise the wellbeing of others through their own sacrifice. This is not strength. It is a system that quietly depends on women’s depletion to function. Yet even as more women call for the right to pause and reclaim their time, 43% say they rarely experience uninterrupted moments for themselves.
This conversation cannot be reduced to “work-life balance” or better time management. At its core, it is about redefining strength itself. For too long, endurance has been mistaken for empowerment, and survival for success. Real strength isn’t the ability to carry an endless load but rather the wisdom, and the freedom, to know when to set it down.
Redefining power through softness
There is hope in the data. An overwhelming 86% of South African women agree that female solidarity is essential for progress, and 97% say they show up for other women even when it’s difficult. This shows something powerful: women understand that collective support is the antidote to individual exhaustion.
The data also points to another subtle but powerful shift, with 58% of women strongly agreeing that “the right to exhale is as important as the drive to achieve”. This is not resignation, it is rebellion.
But we need to move beyond showing up for each other and start showing up for ourselves. We need to normalise the idea that needing support doesn’t diminish strength, it defines it.
The most radical act a “strong woman” can perform is to be soft. Softness is intentional vulnerability, the courage to acknowledge limits, the wisdom to ask for help. It’s the recognition that true power doesn’t come from endless endurance but from sustainable practices that honour both capacity and humanity.
What emerges from this data is evidence of a quiet revolution — women who are beginning to understand that their worth isn’t measured by their capacity to endure. They’re recognising that the right to rest, to receive care, to be human rather than heroic, isn’t selfish but essential.
The “strong woman” narrative has served its purpose in a world that often left women no choice but to be strong. But women are choosing more for themselves now. This revolution isn’t loud or dramatic. It’s in the quiet moments when a woman chooses to rest without guilt, asks for help without shame, invests in herself without justification.
Building systems that support, for a path forward
The celebration of women’s resilience often obscures a harsher reality: resilience has become a substitute for the systems that should sustain them. When we praise a woman for “handling everything”, the real question is not how she managed it, but why she had to. What support was missing? What safety net failed her?
The goal is not to discard strength, but to redefine it. Strength should not mean carrying unlimited weight alone. It should mean sharing burdens fairly, and creating environments where women do not have to rely on exhaustion to survive.
That shift requires action from every sphere of society. Workplaces must adopt policies that ease caregiving responsibilities. Communities and families must recognise and redistribute emotional labour. Financial structures must offer support without demanding proof of worthiness through sacrifice.
The evidence is clear: women want change. The challenge is whether society is willing to move away from its dependence on women’s relentless strength and begin building systems that support their boundless potential instead.
Jill Snijman is the head of marketing at 1st for Women.