It is incumbent upon the government to alleviate poverty, the leading cause of divorce and separation in Uganda
Red dresses and black tuxedoes, chocolates and roses on the streets of Johannesburg, Tunis, Luanda and Lagos, romantic whispers from the Accra to Mombasa, classic love ballads by Teddy Pendergrass and Martina McBride, glamorous midnight dinner candles burning on the shores of Lake Victoria and the beaches of Maldives … the world is soaked in the mood of Valentine’s Day.
Listening to Luther Vandross’s So Amazing, “I could stay forever, forever here in love and I’ll leave you never” — until Kiana Shelton, a prominent therapist, in an interview on CNN Health posed the question: should we break up before Valentine’s Day or afterwards?
This question shifted my thoughts from romantic Valentine songs into critically thinking about the rate of divorce.
What happened to: “I will love you and honour you all the days of my life as my lawful partner for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health until death does us part”?
My neighbour Joseph met Mary at university on Valentine’s Day, sparking a romance and countless dates that ended in them walking down the aisle. Four years later, the two could not stand each other.
Although many issues contribute to divorce of lovers such as infidelity, low sex drive, poor communication, infertility, illness and differences in political ideologies, my view is the leading cause of divorce in Africa is poverty and stonewalling, when one partner shuts down and withdraws from a conflict.
Joseph suddenly lost his job when the Covid-19 pandemic hit the world. Mary lost patience with a husband who could not pay school fees and afford to take care of the family’s welfare.
As a confidant and neighbour I saw stonewalling seasoned with bickering and fights.
Mary looked for alternative means of survival — infidelity — to keep the family running and the children at school, a move that Joseph could not withstand, eventually sparking divorce proceedings of a once lovely married couple.
According to a study in 2020, Divorce and Separation in Uganda, about 7% of the adult population goes through a divorce and separation every four years, which is roughly 370 000 people every year.
Divorce is breaking up the belief, trust, hope and faith in the traditional family as the first unit of society and marriage as a source of happiness and bedrock for future generations.
Romeo, another acquaintance, is in a mental health facility after a divorce that was sparked by the loss of his job, also during the pandemic. His older son has ended up on the streets of Kampala and his wife has, in desperation, turned to prostitution on the city’s night streets.
I used to think that divorce matters were solely the personal issues of married partners but these issues end up spilling into larger society.
Because poverty is one of the leading factors causing divorce, it’s upon the government to introduce effective social uplifting and poverty alleviation programmes, friendly business loans, startup seed funding, and a less oppressive tax regime.
It’s also high time for employers to prioritise the psycho-social welfare of the employees.
Faith-based organisations can provide support to couples going through a difficult period, as can cultural institutions.
Communities can form family dispute intervention committees, poverty alleviation initiatives such as joint business ventures and village saving groups.
And couples could choose openness, a willingness to talk about their problems and possible solutions — even if this includes getting divorced.
Robert Kigongo is a sustainable development analyst.