Angella Johnson
Five-year-old Magriet is practising her ballet steps, twirling around the cane furniture in her living room, watched by loving parent Gertruida Greyling, and Hermien Oosthuizen.
The Brakpan lesbian couple celebrated a historic court decision this week when a judge ruled that their sexual proclivities do not preclude them from bringing up a child.
Greyling (30), who divorced her husband for his abusive and violent behaviour in 1996, lost custody of her daughter in January, when a social worker successfully applied to a magistrate to have the child removed into the care of her maternal grandmother.
“They said my relationship with Hermien made me an unfit mother and that it would influence the child negatively,” explains Greyling. “These people act as if being a lesbian is a contagious disease or something to be ashamed of. We should be judged on our parenting abilities, not our sexual preference.”
She is bemused that in a society where children are widely abused physically and sexually, a united and loving family unit can be challenged simply because the adults are of the same sex.
The Afrikaans couple had been living together since last September, but Greyling’s mother only learned about the nature of the relationship four months ago. Armed with religious fervour – she said the union was unholy – she spirited the child away to her home.
A social worker known by the grandmother through her church sanctioned the removal, on the grounds that Magriet (not her real name) was at risk from her mother’s corrupting influence.
Greyling, a postal worker, believes her daughter is too young to be aware of what is happening. “She is happy that someone has come into our lives who is loving and caring.”
The couple has not explained their lesbian relationship to Magriet because she has not yet asked any questions about their unusual lifestyle. “When she does, we will sit her down and let her know that we are different from most of her friends who have a mummy and daddy, but that she is very lucky to have two mummies.”
Oosthuizen, a 32-year-old bank supervisor, says they have never tried to keep the relationship a secret. “We even told the nursery school and the teachers were very understanding. They even encouraged us to take the matter to court.”
Prancing about the room, Magriet, her long blonde hair braided into two ponytails, suddenly lunges on to Oosthuizen’s lap and bestows a big hug.
“See!” exclaims Greyling. “They are very close. I don’t know where my ex-husband is, but he never gave her any love or affection, so it’s good for her to have this attention.” She explains that her marriage had been rife with shouting and fighting.
The National Coalition for Gay and Lesbian Equality has hailed the Johannesburg High Court decision to overturn the magistrate’s order as recognising the validity of homosexual family relationships.
But Shifra Jacobson (44) , who with her female partner adopted their two-year-old daughter when she was five weeks old, says there is still a lot of prejudice. “For starters, in our situation the adoption papers do not legally recognise us as a couple because only one of us can be the mother. So we do not have the same equal rights as heterosexual couples.”
Jacobson works for the Institute of Child and Family Development at the University of the Western Cape and her partner is a clinical psychologist. They were the first openly lesbian couple in the Western Cape to legally adopt a child – who happens to be black.
“When we tell people we are mothers, they automatically assume the child belongs to just one of us. Actually, the lesbian issue pales into insignificance when compared to the difficulty they have grasping the fact that we are two white Jewish mothers and our child is from a different ethnic group.”