Friday night
Isaac Chokwe and Tim Horwood
We left the office at 7.06pm, unaware of what lay ahead on this autumn Friday night. At the intersection of Jan Smuts and Empire roads I noticed a movement through my open window and glanced to my right … but nothing happened, no one ran up to the car and tried to steal or hijack anything.
We pulled up outside the house — it was about 7.18pm. As I got out of the car I looked suspiciously towards the front door … It looked exactly the same as usual, nothing was different and nothing was happening. No one ran out to welcome us. And as we walked through the front door we were hit by the sounds of nothingness, because the house was empty – exactly as we had left it.
So we sat down on our 97-year-old dust experiment of a couch, and considered the mind-numbingly long list of options for Friday night entertainment. After long moments of staring at the blank walls for some concrete ideas we came up with this thorough , all rights-reserved source of misleading and untruthful information surrounding the mystique of Johannesburg nightlife.
Fact: did you know that 206 nightclub situated in the heart of Verwoerdburg CBD is a blacks only hangout specialising in the internationally expanding genres of Gregorian chants and Norwegian woodcutter folk songs?
For those who favour a more religious experience on Friday nights your options are really expanding!!!
Friday night at the Gallo Manor township club Tandoor features DJ Ray McCauley on the decks alongside renowned rapper extraordinaire MC Lucas Mangope. This pair of entertainers bring new meaning to the track God is a DJ.
Don’t forget to diarise February 31 in 2013 – the long awaited Bahai Bash @ Bobs Bar in Benoni. And on February 32 remember the Muslim Mosh Party/Beer Fest.
Other dates to diarise: Saturday 22 at 6am – Pretoria West street bash featuring Steve Hofmeyr, MD Willies, Penny penny, Klein-Karoo Orkes, Prophets of da City, Bles Bridges, Rebecca Malope, and Just Jinger performing their collaborative interpretation of SABC1’s melancholic lullaby Simunye.
Sunday 12 @ midnight: The Stage in Brixton will be hosting the annual St Christopher Senior Citizen S&M Fetish Experience. No under 60s, free Prince Alberts for the gentry and golden showers for the ladies who cum in leather. Whips, handcuffs and used prophylactics for sale at the door. For more information call General Constand Viljoen (formerly Freedom Front MP) @ 10111.
Due to blinkered, Philistine pig-ignorance resulting in no night-life what-so-clever, in the largest city on the African continent, our advice is book early – walala wasala – you booze, you snooze.
Isaac Chokwe and Tim Horwood present Walala Wasala on SABC1