/ 24 March 2000

Aw, shucks, you shouldn’t have…

On Sunday the film world will turn towards Hollywood and this year's Oscars. But you will search in vain for an award for overacting, and there'll be no mention of the Best Performance By An Arse. Righting that wrong, Andrew Collins presents the Alternative Oscars.

Most obvious miscasting

  • Matthew Broderick as Inspector Gadget in Inspector Gadget

  • Kenneth Branagh as the surrogate Woody Allen in Celebrity

  • Liv Tyler as a 19th-century Russian aristocrat in Onegin

  • Joan Collins as an 18th-century aristocrat in The Clandestine Marriage

  • Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman as a couple in Eyes Wide Shut

    Worst case of overacting

  • Ahmed Best as Jar Jar Binks in Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace

  • Joan Cusack as Jessie in Toy Story 2

  • Christopher Walken as the Hessian Horseman in Sleepy Hollow

  • James Woods as Jack Crow in John Carpenter’s Vampires

    Best role by an arse

  • Rhys Ifans in Notting Hill

  • Ralph Fiennes in The End of the Affair

  • Nicole Kidman in Eyes Wide Shut

  • Salma Hayek in Wild Wild West

  • Various actors in Romance

    Fattest neck

  • Michael Clarke Duncan, The Green Mile

  • John Travolta, The General’s Daughter

  • John Travolta, A Civil Action

  • Jean-Claude van Damme, Universal Soldier: The Return

  • Buzz Lightyear, Toy Story 2

    Most stupid name

  • Spencer Armacost (Johnny Depp) in The Astronaut’s Wife

  • Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) in Fight Club

  • Ted Pikul (Jude Law) in eXistenZ

  • Max California (Joaquin Phoenix) in 8mm

  • Qui-Gon Jinn (Liam Neeson) in Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace

    Poorest period detail

  • The King’s Road-style punk band performing at CBGBs in 1977 in Summer of Sam

  • Matt Damon’s six-pack in The Talented Mr Ripley

  • The tub of pink hair gel in 1977 in Whatever Happened to Harold Smith?

  • The techno soundtrack in Plunkett and Macleane

  • Almost everything in Wild Wild West

    Least-wanted moment

  • Robin Williams making Holocaust victims laugh in Jakob the Liar

  • Tom Hanks battling with a urinary infection in The Green Mile

  • Will Smith and Kenneth Branagh trading cripple and black insults in Wild Wild West

  • Tom Cruise saying “Respect the cock” in Magnolia

  • Wes Craven directing Meryl Streep in Music of the Heart

    Worst starring role

  • Clint Eastwood, True Crime

  • Anjelica Huston, Agnes Browne

  • Geoffrey Rush, House on Haunted Hill

  • Robin Williams, Bicentennial Man

  • Chris Rea, Parting Shots

    Worst sequel

  • I Still Know What You Did Last Summer

  • Gregory’s Two Girls

  • The Rage: Carrie II

  • Next Friday

  • Universal Soldier: The Return

    Briefest appearance

  • Dexter Fletcher, Topsy-Turvy

  • Katrin Cartlidge, Topsy-Turvy

  • Sarah Michelle Gellar, She’s All That

  • Anne Bancroft, The 13th Warrior

  • Brad Pitt, Being John Malkovich

    Award for bad accents

  • Anjelica Huston (Irish) in Agnes Browne

  • Bob Hoskins (Birmingham) in Felicia’s Journey

  • Richard E Grant (Scottish) in The Match

  • John Hannah (Canadian) in The Hurricane

  • Ahmed Best (Gungan) in Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace

    Saddest self-parody

  • Ray Winstone as Ray in Final Cut

  • Terence Stamp as Wilson in The Limey

  • Robert de Niro as Paul Vitti in Analyze This

  • James Caan as Frank in Mickey Blue-Eyes

  • Yoda in Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace