Ilana Gordon
LIFESTYLE
They lie in wait at every traffic light. A veritable cocktail of vendors selling an astonishing array of bizarre Made-in-China trinkets. Exactly what are those round plastic things with the pegs attached? It’s either a state-of-the-art mobile for kids, or something to hang your little laundry bits on. My personal favourite is the new fashion accessory – a fluffy Teletubby moon bag. Of course, there are some useful things on offer such as peanuts, biltong, newspapers and fruit, but generally it’s unfathomable things that one would completely ignore in a shop. Like those plastic skeletal balls that sellers proudly collapse and expand at the flick of a wrist, or the kaleidoscopic array of plastic hangers!
It’s also rather frazzling to actually effect a transaction while waiting for the traffic light to change – and these Gauteng ones don’t wait around. No time to check whether the naartjies are actually seedless or not when you’re desperately trying to find the exact change in the ashtray, or worse, the back pocket!
Then there are those annoying pamphlets – those ubiquitous bits of paper advertising such vital services as carpet cleaning, Trellidors and CV joints. I have no idea what a CV joint is. No doubt it has nothing to do with job applications or recreational chemicals, but something to do with cars. The engine? I don’t know where it is.
When it comes to shopping in Gauteng, though, forget malls, online shopping or even home shopping. We’ve invented the most amazing weekend activity: in-car shopping. Cruise Willian Nicol drive on a Sunday and you can furnish your entire house, shade your veranda with an enormous umbrella, buy a host of plants, CD racks or bland oil paintings in elaborate gold frames. It’s also the best African curio emporium that lures unsuspecting tourists with statuesque wooden giraffes.
The left lane is for browsers, or those masochists among us who enjoy coping with unpredictable traffic movements. Of course, occasionally you’re zipping merrily along in the fast lane when an absolutely gorgeous railway sleeper coffee table catches your eye. Flicker on, you take the non-existent gap, and screech to a halt just short of the next doggie kennel seller. A few minutes later, you are the proud owner of a Zimbabwean Railways relic and you’re back in the car with time to spare.
So, who needs the beach or a great big get- in-the-way mountain. There’s endless entertainment in Gauteng, and you never have to leave your car!