/ 6 June 2002

Cocking a Snuki

The news that Snuki Zikalala is leaving the SABC for pastures new was greeted with much regret in the Dorsbult. We regulars have missed his enthusiastic mangling of all the official languages since the former labour reporter was kicked upstairs to become an executive editor. Even if he was off our screens, Snuki could be relied upon to bring us his definitive take on the news.

But we took some solace from his farewell e-mail, sent — perhaps in error — to Oom Krisjan’s electronic postbox.

”The SABC is the best place in the world and one of the best broadcast media in Africa,” Zikalala tells us. ”I will not leave journalism it is a Nobel profession. I hope to come back to the SABC.”

Snuki certainly was dynamite in his job, but Lemmer suspects he’s more likely in line for an Emmy than the literature prize.

Sassy T-shirts

South Africa’s intelligence community is starting to emerge from the smoke-and-mirror games of the past. It goes against the grain for an old-fashioned spy to engage in public relations, which might explain why invitations to the minister of intelligence’s pre-budget media briefing were marked ”Vertroulik/Confidential”.

But the cloak-and-dagger boys would have been in for a bigger shock if they’d wandered into Parliament for the budget speech. Displayed in the lobby were green T-shirts with the logo of the South African Secret Service (Sass).

Oom Krisjan cannot help but wonder whether these T-shirts are for general use or, whether in the spirit of transparency, all Sass members will now wear them for easy identification.

Final vakansie

Lemmer hears that cricket cheat Hansie Cronje was buried and not cremated this week because no one was willing to throw the match.

(Jammer. The devil made me do it.)

FW who?

Not long after the Democratic Alliance was formed two years ago much fanfare was given to the renaming of the caucus room as the Helen Suzman room, underscoring the role played by the liberal veteran who spent 36 years in Parliament.

And to cement the ties with the Democratic Party’s old enemy but new alliance partner, the New National Party, the boardroom next to the caucus room in the Marks building — where most of the opposition MPs are housed at Parliament — was named after former president FW de Klerk.

However, Oom Krisjan notes that the DA, now made up largely of the DP and the Federal Alliance, has quietly taken down the plaque in honour of De Klerk.

And the furniture in the room has been returned to the NNP wing a floor below.

Obviously quite a messy divorce!

Essop’s fables

The government is desperately trying to right all the wrongs it has committed on the Aids issue. And its desperation shows. Take the Minister in the Office of the President, Essop Pahad, who took it upon himself to enlighten the media on the government’s change of heart at the Press Club in Pretoria this week. After rambling on about providing anti-retrovirals to women who have been raped he boomed: ”Women’s bodies belong to themselves and nobody else.”

After anti-retrovirals, some action against crime?

True colours

Minister of Intelligence Lindiwe Sisulu did her duty in the fight against HIV/Aids with the unveiling of a spy-approved condom wrapped in a bright yellow package, adorned with the South African flag. She urged all ”to fly the flag” — whether at full mast or half mast — and ”abstain, be faithful, be patriotic and condomise”.

His number’s up

The lotto has come to the Western Cape administration with the exit of premier Peter Marais — to prepare a defence against a fifth claim of sexual harassment. Dozens of provincial staffers staked cash on how long Marais would last shortly after he took office. Pity those folks who wagered he’d only last for 100 days or until Easter.

Word sharks

From talking to the hacks who frequently take refuge in the Dorsbult, Lemmer has gathered that getting an image to illustrate a story can sometimes be the bane of newspaper production people’s lives.

But cutting corners can have some surprising results, like in the Sowetan of June 4, where an article on moneylending, headlined ”Beware of loan sharks” is accompanied by a photograph of a man talking to a woman, who sits on the opposite side of his desk. The generic caption warns customers to beware of their rights when they apply for loans.

It appears the Sowetan is taking some unusual routes to combat falling circulation, because the man pictured is one of the paper’s own sub-editors …

Part of the problem

Allowing your face to appear in print often attracts egg to it (if you’ll forgive the scrambled analogy), but committing your thoughts to print can be almost as messy.

Considering the row that erupted when it was revealed that Zandile Jakavula had bought a house in Port Alfred for a fraction of its worth, the Spoornet CEO is probably rueing the item he wrote for the parastatal’s official magazine, Platform One, in March.

Headlined ”Corruption: become part of the solution”, the article stressed the hard line Spoornet will take against bribery and corruption. ”I, as the Chief Executive Officer of Spoornet, together with the leadership of Spoornet and Transnet, view such matters in a very serious light. We will not tolerate any form of irregularity in Spoornet.”

Obviously Jakavula’s colleagues took his message to heart.

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