This has been a depressing week for sports fans at the Dorsbult. Firstly that fat fool Pieter van Zyl runs on to the field and flattens the ref. Then Rian Oberholzer, MD of SA Rugby, compounds the matter by saying: ”This assault perpetuates the image of the boorish, boerewors-eating, brandy-drinking supporter when in fact our supporters are highly intelligent with a keen understanding of the game.”
Oom Krisjan would like to point out that the Dorsbult is full of highly intelligent, boerewors-eating, brandy-drinking supporters — with a keen understanding of the game — who have never been boorish enough to assault anyone.
But Oberholzer’s muddled thinking had nothing on the outpouring of support for Van Zyl from so-called rugby fans who felt that referee Dave McHugh somehow ”had it coming”. How would any of these ”fans” feel if the criminal law were changed to allow strangers to donner you every time they thought you had made a mistake?
Get an answer wrong on Who Wants to be a Millionaire? Public flogging. Ja, boet, it works both ways.
Add to this Shaun Pollock’s decision to dedicate South Africa’s cricket win against Pakistan on Monday to the memory of Hansie Cronje, and Lemmer has decided to support Australia in these two sports for the remainder of the year. At least the Aussies just do drugs.
Ben’s tune
At least some rugger buggers haven’t lost their marbles or their sense of humour, though. Oom Krisjan heard of a new song that the Ellis Park faithful are planning to sing on Saturday (to the melody of 99 Green Bottles):
There’s 15 Wallabies hanging on the ball
Fifteen wallabies hanging on the ball
But if one drug cheat should actually be caught
There’ll only be 14 Wallabies hanging on the ball …
Knock on wood
Speaking of those from the loony fringe, Moneyweb’s mining expert Tim Wood seems to have been drawn into things that cast some doubt on his judgement. He’s quoted approvingly on a website called freeworldalliance.com, a bunch of oddballs who believe they’re all that stand between us and the Illuminati and Satan’s New World Order.
Flying high
With the story of an SAA pilot being arrested for allegedly having drugs in his bag being topical, Lemmer heard a story from a pilot with the national carrier. After take-off last week the flight attendant took drink orders and the pilot asked for a soft drink. The mischievous attendant returned to offer a silver salver on which he had poured artificial sweetener in two parallel lines, saying: ”Here is the coke you ordered, captain.”
Job offers (1)
African National Congress spokesperson Smuts Ngonyama was in exceptionally good spirits at the release of the party’s policy documents this week. The source of the party’s excitement was a story in Business Day this week, which speculated on the appointment of Mondli Makhanya as new editor at the Mail & Guardian. Unable to control himself, Ngonyama thrust an imaginary microphone in front of the M&G representative and asked: ”So when is the new editor of the M&G taking over?” The M&G hack fell back on the politician’s standby: ”No comment.”
Job offers (2)
Ngonyama also found himself a target, following speculation in the media that he was a challenger for the premiership of the Eastern Cape. He was also not spared by his ANC comrades at the press conference. The most noteworthy jibe came from Minister of Public Enterprises Jeff Radebe who referred to Ngonyama as ”Mr Stofile”.
Snookered
That former scourge of TV broadcasts, Snookums Zikalala, is at it again. He’s now a spokesperson for the Ministry of Labour and was responsible for this gem on Monday, sent out via Sapa:
”JOHANNESBURG: Department of Labour raids several factories re occupational health and safety violations (8am)(Department of Labour, corner Rissik and and Anderson streets)(Contact Snuki Zikalala on 082-561-3842)(THIS IS A CONFIDENTIAL MEDIA ALERT).”
Considering the hundreds — if not thousands — of people with access to this wire service, Snookums should look up ”confidential”.
Colour of money
‘What the ANC has not yet confronted is the awful, irreversible truth that capital in the hands of black people does and will behave just as badly as it does in the hands of whites.” Guess the author of this statement: Zwelinzama Vavi? Jeremy Cronin? Philip Dexter, perhaps? No, Business Day, in its main editorial column.
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