Extreme ironing and the Cannibal Holocaust

Okay, so you’re rich, bored, and you haven’t discovered that sending me money is a great way of making me happy. So what can you do? Before you try changing channels on your TV, why not browse through the options to be found at 101 Things To Do Before You Die.

Here in South Africa, large supermarket chains seem to spring up without a whisper of protest, killing off those small Mom ‘n Pop places we all used to enjoy. For a blow-by-blow account of one community’s tussle with a large supermarket chain, get some fighting tips at Store Wars.

Young children have to put up with a lot from parents, as can be seen from this next site, which sells dummies designed to make your toddler look like a toothy redneck hillbilly in training.
Please somebody, start importing the dummies that can found at Billy Bob’s Pacifiers.

So you thought you’d tried all the ‘extreme’ sports that were available? You haven’t. There’s a new sport that’s available to the danger-seekers among us, and perhaps some local readers might want to try it, and send their pictures into this next site, which takes extreme sports one step beyond. Get your steam irons ready and don’t forget your helmet en route to the amazingly silly and funny Extreme Ironing!.

Here’s a weird bit of misguided attempting to clean up the Internet. Someone’s made a worm that can snoop through your computer, looking for what it considers are kiddie-porn pix - once it finds files that match its own internal database, it sends emails to assorted government departments, alerting them. Get the lowdown on this new phenomenon at Porn Worm.

Advertising doesn’t really care about anything other than making a buck. Well, fair enough - it’s capitalism in action (in other words, manipulative, greedy and doing whatever it takes to grab market share). With that in mind, stride manfully towards The Rise of Gay Advertising.

I know from personal experience that I only began to get interested in History once I’d left school and the long lines of bad history teachers who spouted endless names and dates. So for a cool bit of online reading - as well as proof that history can be really personal and fun when you’re in the middle of it - try Historical Eyewitness Accounts. And staying briefly with history, for a whole bunch of info your teachers never told you, try Who’s Who in Medieval History.

In the lull before the media storm approaching us from the Lord of the Rings franchise-holders, isn’t it time you got ready, hip and streetwise? Find out your real name (mine became Posco Took of Great Smials) at The Hobbit Name Generator.

If you’re one of those folks cruising the bars and singles scenes, wading through the damaged psyches in search of the perfect samoosa, so to speak - then perhaps try some of the help to be gained at Pick Up Lines.

Time for a minor gear change in ideas about prehistoric times. Take a look at an article on the discovery of a Neanderthal flute.

Need some new wallpaper? How about a 1870 item gallery of Rock Concert Posters!: www.gigposters.com/

Our censor board continues to think we’re morons, by blocking a very nasty and fun horror movie that I’ve had the nauseous popcorn-guzzling pleasure to see many times over the years. It’s a satire, and a faked documentary that goes way beyond Blair Witch. Read up on a 20 year old film designed to freak you out, called Cannibal Holocaust and More Cannibal Holocaust.

Until the next time, if the Censor Board or outraged toddlers don’t get me.

Ian Fraser is a playwright, author, comedian, conspiracy nut, old-time radio collector and self-confessed data-junkie. Winner of numerous Vita and Amstel Awards, he’s been an Internet addict and games-fanatic since around 1995, when the Internet began to make much more sense than theatre.

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